Realization is a gift, much like the soreness after a really good work out, uncomfortable but necessary for growth. I guess issues like character faults are revealed to me slowly over time so that I am not overwhelmed with them all at one time. I think this allows me time to digest the new found info then move forward a few steps. Well, at least i am trying.
Why do I react this way? It seems like when I say no on an issue to someone and they start in trying to convince me, I get uncomfortable. I react and usually begrudgingly give in, then resent the fact that they did not honor my no. When the whole time I did not honor myself and MY no. Interesting dynamic... Is it low self worth? Co-dependency? For some reason this has stirred up something in me that is keeping me awake tonight, obviously it's worth exploring a lot more. I should let my yes's be yes and my no's be no and let the other person deal with their feelings of rejection if they have any. I think that is the key, not owning the feelings that they have or the feelings I think they will have.
My D should be final on the 20th, i think that is another reason I am up this late. I was doing pretty good until yesterday and I started thinking about the finality of it all.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
