RL - URworthy expressed better what other posters including myself have been trying to explain.
1. Your husband is in crisis, and you cannot fix him. There are no guarantees, no magic formula, no time line. For now, accept that he is 'gone'. That is hard, and you are somewhat traumatised, so getting back your equilibrium and joy in life is not a quick process.
2. Dealing with a MLCer bends us out of shape. You have to refind who you really are, and live with that person. Your spouse is not livable with at present, as a spouse, however 'nice' or 'nasty' his behaviour is.
3. It follows therefore that you need to take the focus off your husband and put it on yourself, and live life for you. If you do not know what you want or who you are, then you have lost sight of yourself during all of this, which I totally understand, and also did.
Everything you are doing I did - focused too much on xh, worried about how I would manage on my own, psychologically (I knew I would be fine practically as, like you I am capable and hard working)
I won't try and deceive you - it was hard beyond anything I have ever done, but there is a payoff. I am fine, more than fine now, and I can look at my xh and see how broken he is. I disengaged myself from his drama. Detached, if you prefer that word. Detaching is almost zen. It is a real letting go. I used visualization, hard work, a lot of fun, close friendships with good people. I filled my life with good things, and gradually the overwhelming sense of loss and need faded.
If you think you ;need; your husband to be happy then you are not detached. I would like hugs, and the rest but I do not need them.
but I do not need them.
