Well, I was nervous about last night but ended up having a good time.

G's friend has more zest for life than anyone I have ever met. When he was a junior in high school he woke up one morning paralyzed from the waist down. Ended up lots of time in the hospital and now can walk but with great difficulty. He fences from a wheel chair and has traveled to several countries doing this, speaks I am not sure how many languages and just has such a zest for life.

He asked me if I had made anyone smile yesterday and I said yes I had. He said then your day was a success. He told me the story of when he was in the hospital a boy across the hall every morning came in and asked if he could do anything or get anything for him and then went down the hall asking everyone else. He said at 17 this ended up just aggravating him and one day he asked the guy in the next bed what the boys deal was, the boy had a brain cancer and could not remember anything for more than 12 hours. He said he talked to him later and asked him why he did that and the boy said he considered his day a success if he could make one person smile. Sort of puts your life in perspective.

He talks more than I do!!!!!

But he asked me, how many women my age laugh, really laugh and enjoy life. I said I had no idea. He said there are a lot of unhappy people in the world.

We did discuss my not wanting to get out of the house and out of the blue he said have you always been a perfectionist? I don't really consider myself one, but the way he explained what he meant I am. So that he says is a big part of why I feel a failure. My first marriage failed and it was my fault, my horse died and it was my fault, and my second marriage is failing and it is my fault. So I would agree to a good part of that, and told him I am working on my negative self talk.

We didn't get into much because he said this was totally separate because this isn't done. But he definitely gave me some interesting things to think about and I found him to be very insightful. Would like to talk to him again sometime. He said get my number from G and call anytime.

So I am supposed to give myself a break.

Interesting side note: He dated J before G did, and she played around on him when he was dating her! Plus she had an affair in her first marriage and at least 3 while married to G, wonder why D thinks he can keep her faithful to him.

Anyway Shiny you were right, it was a cool evening to go out to dinner with two very personable guys who are trying to make you feel better about yourself.

On the drive home I thanked G for sitting up the dinner and the opportunity to meet his friend.

He said well I was worried about you, yesterday. I said me too a bit. I still don't really know what happened to me and I don't like that at all.

He opened the car door for me and the restaurant doors, felt very nice and well treated!!!

D used to be a gentleman when we were first seeing one another but it has been a LOOOONG time.

Pam

"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned
so as to have the life that is waiting for us"