Me 10 months on. Dark and detaching still.

[hotwheelsaust]

So true ttd180, it is horrible to lose a friend and a family (in-laws), then your best friend, the W. The friend has a birthday this Thursday, so will text him a birthday wish and leave it at that.

[TryingToDo180]

good idea Yes it is horrible to lose family and your spouse as well. I've deleted quite a few people off my facebook as well since we've split up. How to turn this into a positive? I've also made some new friends since we split up and I'm being invited out to dinner more and night's out as well Bonus!! Apart from not having H here at the mo, I'm loving life

[hotwheelsaust]

Well done on your PMA and new friends. I am really struggling with the making new friends. I suppose a lot of it has to do with how long I may have here, 17 weeks left. Also because it is such a small place, there really isn't a huge amount to do. When invited, I make sure I accept.
That's why I am so looking forward to going back to the city. I have a few friends from my motorbike club that will keep me PMA. There will be events on nearly each weekend to keep me GALing.
I am trying to do my best with what I have here. Gym nearly every day, running nearly every day, guitar playing (should do longer) every day.
What I don't have is the support of face to face with someone. That good friend we all need. Not so I can talk and talk, but someone who is there to keep you PMA.
What I do have is someone who is like a nagging wife, my flatmate. Firstly I have no choice having him here. Since it is Education housing I have to accept it. Two weeks ago a second flatmate joined in. So I am now living with another two blokes in a house I used to live with the W and son.
I am on the downhill run on the rollercoaster and need to get off, but struggling at the moment. Struggling to get good sleep in the last 3 days. I think the finality (mindreading, I know) of it all is starting to hit. Trying my best to maintain the PMA, but again it is hard where I am.

[TryingToDo180]

You've still got 17 weeks which is a long time. You can still make new friends and when you move you can keep in touch with them via facebook, phone, etc. I've still got one friend who lives quite a distance from me, yet I still keep in touch with her by phone.
You sound like you're doing great anyway Just a few suggestions if I may. I joined a committee that organises a local carnival. Maybe there's a local committee you can join, not necessarily a carnival one but something else that's local to you. I met a couple of good friends through going to the meetings, one I see regularly and the other one I know I can get in touch with whenever I want These 2 friends have invited me out for a meal and nights out, so all good
I don't know how much time you have spare, but you could also put in an hour or so to do voluntary work. Another way to meet friends.
Do you play any sports such as tennis or badminton? At our local gym there's a board that you can advertise for a "buddy" to play with you or maybe there's already a list.
Is there a guitar club or a jamming session that you can join in with?
Also check the local newspaper. You'll be surprised what comes up The church is another good place to make new friends. There's social activities going on and you don't have to have a faith to join in these There's other groups that hire out our church hall and I'm off to zumba tomorrow at the church hall Wish me luck, I'll need it, lol

[hotwheelsaust]

Ttd180, thanks for your uplifting comments. I also read your comments to 2old. This is what I needed. I need to do better for myself with my PMA. Not just in front of people but the behind the scenes stuff, that is my downfall.
So decided today to join the committee for teacher's organising a "casino royale ball" before the end of the year. So heading off soon today for that meeting. Last night I found a facebook page for car enthusiasts to meet up each Friday night. While I don't have a car for that club, I can still meet up with them.
I have to really try hard to accept a lot of things:
* My W isn't contacting me for whatever reasons. I cannot change her.
* I married my W, not the family. So if the family don't want me in their life, it doesn't matter.
* If my friend cannot be bothered to talk to me about something that either annoys him or he feels wronged in some way, then he should have the "balls" to talk to me about it. Not simply defriend. Again that is his choice, I cannot change him.
* If my W wants to continue dealing with the solicitor for the splitting of assets, then I will continue to fight for what I can get. I will be fair, but I won't bend over and take it.
* I have to simply accept where I am in life, it's not great, but it could be a lot worse. Deal with it by being positive not negative.
* I have to stop being negative about things that are out of my control, actually even the ones in my control.

hotwheelsaust, moving on and up in the world. I cannot be who I was anymore. I won't be that person anymore. While I have worked on myself and improved myself over the last 10 months, I know I have a long way still to go.

[TryingToDo180]

wow what a positive post Do you know 2old personally as you said you'll read out my post to him? I've tried to get 2old interested in doing things outside his home, but he doesn't seem interested.
I'm really pleased that you're joining a committee and a new club I've often suggested this to others, but no-one has actually told me that they are joining new clubs or are not interested and just keep on moaning about having no new friends, etc.
The friend I was telling you about just deleted and blocked me one day off FB, no true reason why. She didn't have the balls either to tell me to my face what was wrong.
Have a good time at the meeting today and don't give up on the first meeting You may not meet any new friends tonight or you may. They might go on for a drink afterwards, in which case go with them. You can choose what time you can be home now

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks ttd180. I have to change, I have to be more positive. I cannot continue to feel the world has let me down. I have let my own self down, and now I have to rise above it. Anyone is more than welcome to reply and help me achieve this. Books, movies whatever.
Been to the meeting, very short, but a start with meeting new people. That is what it is all about.
Do I know 2old? No? I just simply read the comments you wrote on his page. Sorry I didn't write the original comment that well.

And another point I wanted to add:
* The tattoo photo would not change my W's way of thinking. She knows the reason I got it (haven't spoken to her). But the tattoo would not be a deal breaker for the W, other things might be, but the tattoo wouldn't change her way of thinking. Who cares what the rest of the family think.

[TryingToDo180]

I agree, it won't change your W's thinking or your W's family. My IC says that about my family, they will never change so I'll have to put up with it.
Glad the meeting went ok and you're starting to meet new people I'm so pleased you have taken me up on my suggestion Everyone else always seems to have an excuse for not taking me up on my suggestions and then moans that they haven't got any friends and are not moving on.
I've got my son's friend coming over today so I'm stuck in the house all day. They'll be playing video games all day, apart from when they stop for lunch, lol. Time to catch up with some jobs I've been putting off
The other suggestion I always make is to clear some clutter and sell your unwanted clutter either via a car boot sale, a table top sale, a yard sale or a garage sale. We had a fun time last time and even my son joined in by selling some of his clutter. A good way of making a bit of extra money for your next night out

[hotwheelsaust]

ttd180, cannot really sell anything at the moment. Solicitor is involved with assets, so have no control to get rid of anything at this stage.
I really miss having my son sitting on the xbox all day. Funny how it wasn't the preferred option when it was happening, but when it no longer happens then you miss it.

[TryingToDo180]

sorry I forgot about the assets I wouldn't normally let him sit up there on his own all day playing games, it's only because he's got a friend coming over that I'm letting him.
Hope it won't take too long to split the assets. Have you got a mediator involved to help you communicate with your W over this? It can be really useful to have a go-between You don't want it to drag on and on or it will be very draining on you
Do you still get to see your sons? Have they got their own lives now or are they still living with your W? At the mo my H is choosing work or friends over his son, but I've never stopped him from visiting him. It's just so annoying at the mo that he doesn't want to see his son. He must miss him or maybe that's where his mind is at at the mo.