If you want to have a small shot at saving your M you must follow the model. Read DR again and again. If need it to be translated so u get it do it. Cause I don't think u r following it my friend.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
If you want to have a small shot at saving your M you must follow the model. Read DR again and again. If need it to be translated so u get it do it. Cause I don't think u r following it my friend.
I agree with Rick here If you do find some things hard in DR then post on here and we'll help you with it
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Do I feel foolish here writing and pining away for my WAW. The answer is a resounding YES!!! Am I a stupid man for finding it so damn difficult to let go of my feelings, maybe. Am I trying to let go, yes and gradually I am doing that. But that does not ease the pain of knowing you very well may of lost someone you know you truly cared about. As I read the sitch's on this site I see all kinds of hurting people. Some are better equipped to handle it than others. Some are not. We are all different and the who's, how's what's and why's are not easy for any of us LBS's. What I want my friends here (yes friends) to know is I am trying hard to get through this. In the future at some point I know I will learn to accept, whatever the outcome. But for now, feelings are raw and I go from one emotion of sadness to another of anger to yet another of just move on. Time I know will be my friend also. My problem is I have a heart and heart in this sitch is my enemy. I am also currently experiencing the fact we are in limbo. 4 long months later and there are still no solid answers to what lies ahead. I have been given a peak or 2 by my stepdaughter as I have previously written about. In as much as it's not all bad, it's not all that good either. But, because of things I know much of which I've written about, there is a little hope at least. It's the limbo I'm finding it so hard to deal with. The not knowing. 4 months and an anniversary tomorrow with such limited contact is not easy to handle no matter how strong someone is. I feel like asking her (in a nice way)at this point what her plans are and that if it is to divorce to proceed with it. That it's not doing either one of us any good to stay in limbo land. I personally dont feel she would run right out to do this but I cant be sure of this either. The limited contact makes me wonder what she is really thinking. Is she testing herself to living alone and she if she likes it. My D and her H had been having marital problems and my W and I would often talk about how they should separate for 6 months to a year with limited contact. So many questions so few answers is that what I have to deal with for however long this sitch goes on.....So I have rambled on again but I feel I have to in my search for answers. Yes, answers I may not find out any time soon but answers I feel are needed and could be of help even if they come in bits and pieces for the duration......
I know how frustrated you are, I really do. It doesn't do you any good though going over and over them in your head. Don't talk to your W about divorce, it's one if Sandi's rules I think. Don't get in touch with her again. When did you start with NC with your W? I don't think you've given it long enough to see any results. I know how frustrated you are because last night I prayed really hard and asked God to give me a sign that will let me know where he wants me to go with this. Should I be waiting for my H to come out of the fog or give up? I told God I hated being in Limboland and want some answers. At the end of my prayer I said to God that I was handing my H over to him and he can sort it out. He will you know, just hand your sitch over to God and let him deal with it. I know that God doesn't want me to give up. He talks to me in my dreams and my dreams always show me and my H back together again. I have felt like giving up on my H. We all feel like that at times. I know that some people on this forum seem to cope better than others, but we are all feeling exactly the same as you. I love my H and I would do anything to have him back to his old self again. This new person that he's become I don't like anymore. The reason we all do something other than thinking of our spouses is to try and GAL. This prepares you for whatever happens in the future, with or without your spouse. It's no good staying at home pining for your S and wondering what she/he is doing. Do you know what? I think about my H daily, I wonder if he's going to ring me today. Every time the phone goes I wonder if it's him. Every time he rings me, I wonder if this is the call where he will ask to come back home. We're all feeling it, but some of us choose not to let this rule our lives. I probably care and love my H just as much as you love your W, but I don't go on about it. Just to prove that I'm trying to GAL, tomorrow I'm meeting a friend for a coffee, on Weds my son finishes his work experience and then we'll go off to have something to eat in town. Thurs I'm seeing my life coach and Fri we're off to the leisure centre. Saturday we're going to an event in town, Sunday it's church and meeting my friend for lunch and Monday we're off to a music festival Will I be thinking about my H? Of course I will. Will I be pining about my H? I hope not! Will I be expecting a phone call from him? yes he's supposed to be taking my son out on Sunday. I might have been a bit harsh in this post, but it's only because I care and I don't want you to think that I think any less of my H because I'm not sitting here pining for him, wasting my days away by feeling sorry for myself. Have you been to the doc yet? The sooner you go the better then she can help you with your depression and find some groups for you to go to
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Trying, in answer to your question how long nc, I was nc for a couple weeks then I forwarded 2 emails tax related to her. At that point received several emails with questions I answered only twice and kept it short. She actually responded one more time with small talk about the taxes which I didnt acknowledge. But 9 days ago I sent a short have a geat day email which totally broke my nc. I wrote about it here. She never acknowledged and all has been quiet. Tomorrow 6th anniversary....
Hi 2old, when I asked you when you started NC with your wife, I meant the date. I've just looked back over your threads and I think it was about the beginning of July when you started NC. It's still early days for you, remember baby steps Remind me why you didn't answer your W's last email? If it was something she wanted to know it's no wonder that she's not emailing you. This is how I work it, if he contacts me then I contact him back but I don't initiate the contact. If I were you I'd respond to her last email and say sorry I've just realised that I didn't reply to the last email you sent. The give the answer she needs and sign it off with your name. That's all you need to put Don't mention anniversary to her at all and no small talk!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
The last email from her was the day she was asking many about the taxes. her last email that day was just a small talk oh, I thought we had done this many times kind of thing. It wasnt a question,no reason to answer it back. no initiating contact means just that I understand. Its been 9 days now without anything. I know I cant mention anniversary tomorrow also. That is hard...Then thursday is 4 months she left. I'm just feeling that 4 months without talk can really only mean bad things. There cannot be anything good out of that fact.
Even if it was small talk, you should have answered it. You won't be initiating contact by doing this. send a re: back to her and say sorry I forgot to reply to this email. Talk about the comments she made in her email, it can't hurt can it? Just don't put a lot on the email, 2 lines should do it and don't mention your last email to her. Just forget about that one, it's in the past. Don't beat yourself up about it, we all make mistakes Remember my one when I was trying to get hold of him? It got me anxious and worked up for about a week!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
2old, most of us, if not all of us feel the same way you do about our WAS. Goddam it hurts. Depending on how each of us moves on, sometimes it might hurt for a very long time. But, we are the only ones who can do something for us. Doesn't matter how many times friends speak to us, professionals speak to us or even the WAS speaks to us. We are the only ones to make our choices. Your job is to decide whether you want to make the choice to improve yourself and your life. It doesn't mean you have to give up on your W, it doesn't mean you have to forget her. It simply means you have to accept a lot of things in life and to stop focusing on the negative of them. You might not find a positive about them, I certainly cannot see any positives at this stage of my life without the W. But slowly I am trying to reduce the negatives of no W. The positives come from other avenues, and that is the GAL side of DB.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
If you do find some things hard in DR then post on here and we'll help you with it