My mother is dying. XW wants to be my friend.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks for the responses.

It is not that I'm really angry with God, I'm just questioning a lot of things right now.

Update on mom:

She isn't going to be here much longer. She has really taken a bad turn. It was so bad last night that we thought we were going to lose her overnight. I was overcome with so much emotion last night. Unfortunately, I found myself really missing XW.

Today was much better. She perked up for Church. She wasn't well enough to go, so her Church came to her. It was nice. I can tell that they really love her. We had musicians and everything. After Church, she kind of sunk again. She is lethargic and hanging on ever slow slightly. She says some really weird things and some things you can't understand. Today, S22 and I were visiting with her and she says:

"XW called me."

Me: "What?"

Mom: "XW called me."

Me: "XW called you?"

Mom: "XW called me."

A few minutes later, I called XW only to see if mom was telling me something that was true, or just a weird thing like she has been saying lately.

ME: "Hey did you call mom?"

XW: "No. Would you have gotten all angry with me if I did?"

I then explained why I was calling. She then says:

"Was she happy or sad or angry when she said that?" (Giggles)

Me: "She wasn't any of those."

XW: "Oh. She was the one that cut me out of her life."

Me: "Do you blame her after what you did?"

XW: "I guess not." This was a response that I would have NEVER expected.

She then went on a slight tirade about how I broke her heart, how she is moving on with her career....blah blah blah.

I didn't really fight her and told her it really doesn't matter right now. She calmed down and we said goodbye.

About 15 minutes later, I get a text accussing me of breaking her heart, told me it would take too long to explain everything I did.....told me she has a good man that doesn't control her, judge her, try to change her....blah blah blah.

My response:

"Whatever."

Anyways, that is about it. I still stew over my XW from time to time, but right now, I have to concentrate on mom. I know she is going soon. I'm so so sad. I can tell myself in my head "mom is dying" a million times and still not believe it.

I know that I am going to die. Everyone is going to die. It is a part of life. Everyone dies. My parents are going to die. My dad will die. My mom will die...but for some reason I STILL thought she would be here forever.



Tad