better to love or be loved?

[willbwell]

WW Thank you 25 for reading my post. I remember reading yours when I was milling about the forum. I remembered your signature.








I mean, I don't know how the kids are doing or how the talk went, etc. And I still don't know if you identified ANY issues you want to own or change about yourself. I mean, what are your 180s?

My issues that I know I need to change are learning to not be so smart aleck in my responses to h. I can be opinionated. While its good to have an opinion, I know it can get on my h's nerves. I am messy and h is more type A. I mean my house is clean, I'm just not as neat as h.
The kids and I have had a good summer. S20 is most bothered by situation. he has see a counselor. s 16 says sit doesn't bother him. he has a lot of friends from D families. All of s20's core friends are from intact families. d16 is just good and sweet. she will stay at h's apt. boys do not.
Anyhow, hang in there. It's not hopeless but then, giving him all the perks of a divorce with zero of the costs, is another issue.

Here is my issue. I let him come back home twice.zero cost to him. Back to school is coming up. Feel certain h will want to stop by morning of first day to see kids. I will say 'sure' but thinking in my heart, 'you don't want to be here for the day in day out'
I let him see the kids whenever he asks. It is around his schedule and convenient for him. He doesn't just hang out with the kids.

But my DB coach told me to "contrast the life my h was creating for himself, a cold and mostly lonely life, with the warmth of a loving home", which I DID create and have with my kids.

I will remember this

I came to see that he was losing more than me. And maybe that radiated. All I know is once I truly accepted that he was likely gone but that I was going to be happy, anyhow,

things seemed to get better. In my life, and in my m.

It's a paradox, b/c you can't do it TO SAVE the marriage but b/c you are finally ready to be alright with it ending.

Also it used to slow my progress down when I'd say "but I don't WANT a divorce".

I mean, no one wants cancer either, but if you get that diagnosis, you need to get your crap together and start the chemo...not keep repeating that you don't want this. We know.

So I began saying and praying for the strength to handle WHATEVER was coming my way, with dignity and grace. I figured I would never regret having self respect and coming from a healthy place, with my actions and words.

I wrote this down as a reminder







So what are your New GAL? Any FUN things? Any new people?

I have great friends and a great family. I am busy with the kids schools. I lead an active and fulfilled life. almost it is hard to add in something else to my day. I exercise, I read, I volunteer when I can. I am spiritual.

If,I had all the time in the world, what would I do for myself? linger in an art museum, take dance and piano lessons, take more yoga classes, take a cooking class, clean out my closets, study Spanish. The list could go on and on, but there are only so many hrs in the day!

Please meet some. Going back to school is great but you need to do something purely for the JOY of it. I enjoy school and learning. Really my classes have been helpful in keeping me busy

Thank you again 25 for your wise words