I had a funky weekend, and just now had a positively amazing epiphany.
First my funky weekend: My DIL gave me a gift card to a local spa for my birthday. They had a nice package, so I upgraded it and had a nice 5 hour fancy massage, facial, manicure pedicure. This was the 4th massage, 3rd facial and 2nd time I have ever had professional pedicure in my life. I just don't do that sort of thing. But I am trying to keep on trying new things.
Of course at the time to pay, the gift card won't work, My phone had shut down and wouldn't turn back on and so on. So I paid the full price. It took all of today to sort it out with the spa. (The gift card was entered with my DIL's name wrong.) Anyway they refunded me the difference. And pretty much blamed it on my DIL. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure she knows her own name.
Anyway, way to harsh my mellow spa people. I don't see myself going back there, EVER.
Okay, my epiphany. MY BFF keeps telling me that my X hasn't moved out because he is perfectly comfortable right where he is. OW hasn't moved back here. And I'm pretty sure it is because she would loose her precious freedom. (Instead I loose mine.....)
Weirdness abounds with all this. I thought I saw her X 3 times, two times at the VA where I work and one time in the gym. So I did a little on-line sleuthing. Yes, he stayed on the island after their divorce. To his credit the one time when I was sure it was him who passed me in the hall I turned around to look and he scurried into the men's room. So clearly he doesn't want to see me. I'm not sure why I thought he left the island. I don't want to leave, who in their right mind would?
So my HR peeps have a policy that we always go to lunch in small groups. I am going to start sticking with that policy. And I have been taking an intern with me to my weekly weigh-ins. Seems like a good idea to have back-up. Because OW's X is as crazy as she is.
Anyway, for whatever reason, I am back on this site, seriously reading other peoples threads. I suddenly feel the need to learn and understand more. Thank you all for continuing to share all your insights. I am a slow learner, I feel.
To those of you who post to me, I try to read your threads and understand your situations. If I don't post back to you, it is because I don't have anything constructive to say. Those of you who haven't yet shared your story, what is holding you back? This is a wonderful resource to get us through these tough times.
Aloha!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
One of my big challenges in the past few years has been my younger son. He has not taken the D well. He has blamed me, his dad, and this island we are living on for his horrible life. I have been frustrated, angry and frightened by him. I have made him go to counseling, and it just hasn't helped.
We recently had a crisis with him, I was just fed up. His dad, too. We both separately told him to get a job or start volunteering. There were several heated discussions between S23 and myself. I took him in to my work, he was going to volunteer. (Voluntold....)
The next day he told me he couldn't volunteer, the people I work with made him feel bad. I asked what on earth he was talking about. He explained that they were all too nice. OH MY GOSH! Horrible! Nice people. What is this world coming to? I asked him to work with nice people?!?
This led to a 2 hour discussion where I just kept beating down his every stupid argument. I lost my voice. I won't bore you all with it (you might already be bored.) But I told him to find a job on the mainland, if that is what he really thought would make him happy. I told him I am not responsible for his happiness. I told him to apply for every job on USAJOBS. I told him to contact every pottery studio in any place he was willing to live.
He did that. (This was 2 weeks ago) Three days ago a guy in Colorado contacted him and offered him a job in his studio. S23 flies out Friday. I don't know how this will all play out. But it seems like the perfect opportunity for him. He is a talented potter.
Anyway, it will get him out of my in-law quarters. Which will greatly improve my chances to sell this house. So life goes on. And slowly, but slowly progress is made.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
S23 left behind a toxic dump. Which my X has been wading through like a champ. I'm not 100%. I keep having melt downs. Trying to sort, dump, clean. I sidetracked and just caught up on my household work. I worked 50 hour weeks the past 3 weeks. I am tired!
And one of the veins in my leg looks like it blew up. I am thinking bad thoughts, like I have a blood clot. But it doesn't hurt. So then I just think I am a hypochondriac. If it looks worse in the morning I will head to the ER. The pool of blood in my foot is spectacular!
Right I am making red-velvet cheesecake in the middle cupcakes for my friends birthday party tonight. Being held at an all night party at one of the military clubs. I won't make it past 2! But at least I am going.
My S23 seems to have settled in okay at his new job out in the middle of no-where Colorado. He is still working the phone, car, living life details. But doing very well, considering. His main goal tonight was to have a beer!
I hope everyone has a fantastic Labor Day. I bought some Brats and hard rolls. Going to pretend like I'm in Germany tomorrow and grill those up!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Wendy, Please have your leg looked at by a physician. It doesn't sound good and you can't be sure if you had a vein break or it's something else. Please do not put that off for very long. It's better to be safe than sorry.
The cupcakes sound like they are to "die for". I'm sure your friend will appreciate them. Hey, at least you can go and have some fun even if you can't make it all night. Enjoy yourself a bit. You've been putting in a lot of hours lately and you need this break.
I can't believe your S23 left the place a mess. At least your xh is making an attempt to clean it up. That is so not right to do to you and your xh. He's a grown man and should have cleaned up after himself. I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted to move into a place left a mess like that. I'm glad he's doing okay in Colorado. Maybe he'll opt to live there permanently.
I do hope you enjoy the holiday. Please try to get some rest if you can.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just checking in. My empty nest is a wreck, but slowly coming back together. I've been selling stuff on Craigslist. And this weekend we are going to fill up the truck with stuff to donate.
Yesterday evening my friend had a GREAT idea. We took our SUP's and a one-man kayak out for our regular Friday night exercise on the harbor. Then we built a fire, grilled fish, drank beer and ate cookies while the sun set and the moon rose. Then we went back out on the harbor for an amazing paddle. The wind, current and moon made it perfect! I felt like I was flying on the water. And didn't see a single shark. Tho I didn't look too hard!
I hope everyone has a nice weekend!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
I am needing to vent. My relationships always seem to end with me feeling used, slighted, and me trying to "live up" to other peoples views. I have always been a people pleaser. And that part of me is changing. My marriage was ended before it started, even though it lasted 32 years. I look at my wedding album and I see my X with this disapproving face on in at least half of the photos. I spent so much time worried about the look on his face.
Now I keep finding myself still trying to be agreeable, make people happy. And tonight the woman who claims to be my best friend just pushed me for the last time. Last year I went to a yoga retreat. It was amazing and scary at the same time. It was at a place run by the Ananda people. And I came away feeling like it was a cult. I learned a lot about yoga and meditation. But the group who runs that community is very cult like.
My friend has disagreed with me strongly about where I was and how I felt about them. Her reasoning is that her daughter went to Yogaville and they weren't a cult. I told her plainly that since she wasn't there, she couldn't say what was going on where I went. She continued to disagree and I (As Always) dropped it. This was a discussion we had a few times since I went there.
Now my friend is looking into a yoga retreat on Hawaii (The Big Island). Ananda has an arm there, and I expressed concern that she might accidently go to that one. She once again told me that I didn't know what I was talking about. Well of course I don't know what I'm talking about. Because her daughter, who didn't attend school past the 6th grade, went to a place on the East Coast to learn yoga knows everything.
First of all just Google Ananda and read about them. They were such nice people. And they all wear royal blue whenever possible and these tri-metal bracelets and arm bands. They never pressured me to join. But they did this thing where they sought out certain people and were super nice to us. I was one of those people.
Anyway, I am just trying to understand what part of me ends up with a "friend" who can just be so mean to me. She says rotten things about my X. And makes broadly ignorant statements about the impossibility of her H ever cheating on her. Because she would cut it off if he did that.
Yes, that would solve so many problems. Because being in jail or the nut house would be a bigger problem.
Anyway, just venting. I need to get some sleep. I am not furloughed. But my X is and that is a big problem! I saved some money up to pay my tax bill. I may have to get into that money to pay the mortgage. Just when it seemed like I was getting somewhere. Maybe I will just go to California and join a cult.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
