better to love or be loved?

[25yearsmlc]

WW

the divorce is just a piece of paper. I have had two family members divorce and then remarry a few years later. So yes, it happens.

I assume you have all the legal information you need, for now? Please assume that your h has planned this for longer than you believe. That means you may NOT know all the financials unless you have been handling them all along.

And a small fyi, I am missing some of your threads. When your thread gets too long, start another one with the same name but a number in sequence...make sense?


I mean, I don't know how the kids are doing or how the talk went, etc. And I still don't know if you identified ANY issues you want to own or change about yourself. I mean, what are your 180s?

Anyhow, hang in there. It's not hopeless but then, giving him all the perks of a divorce with zero of the costs, is another issue.

But my DB coach told me to "contrast the life my h was creating for himself, a cold and mostly lonely life, with the warmth of a loving home", which I DID create and have with my kids.

I came to see that he was losing more than me. And maybe that radiated. All I know is once I truly accepted that he was likely gone but that I was going to be happy, anyhow,

things seemed to get better. In my life, and in my m.

It's a paradox, b/c you can't do it TO SAVE the marriage but b/c you are finally ready to be alright with it ending.

Also it used to slow my progress down when I'd say "but I don't WANT a divorce".

I mean, no one wants cancer either, but if you get that diagnosis, you need to get your crap together and start the chemo...not keep repeating that you don't want this. We know.

So I began saying and praying for the strength to handle WHATEVER was coming my way, with dignity and grace. I figured I would never regret having self respect and coming from a healthy place, with my actions and words.

And I don't have regrets about that. I DO have regrets about my h's r's with the kids but that problem is not something for you to worry about now. Just let your kids feel what they feel, without you adding any anger to it.

Have they seen any counselors? They will need to. But that does not mean they'll fail out of school. If it did, half the kids in college or high school would be dropping out all over this nation.

The sad reality is how many divorces are happening now, with so many walking wounded still going to work, school and carrying on with their lives. kind of amazing.

So what are your New GAL? Any FUN things? Any new people?

Please meet some. Going back to school is great but you need to do something purely for the JOY of it.

Make sense?