How can you mend a broken heart?

[RosaLinda]

Cripey now H tells me he plans to go to China next. Coincedentally RT went to China last winter for her job i think I need to buy me a new patience shovel. You say uR is holding a sale?

[Whiterose]

Is RT in China? why does he want to go????

GOOD LORD THESE PEOPLE!!!!!

[RosaLinda]

No RT is in Moscow. But I think they are planning on going to China next. She can be his guide, Rose, can't you see? In Nov 2010 he told me he was goung to Germany with EA#1.

[mizjjd]

RL, did he go to Germany?

[RosaLinda]

Hey J! What a bad time that was for me. I had caught Hepatis C from a patient, and was put on chemotherapy for 6 months, and was SO sick. He was so in love with EA and so mean to me, one of his anger stages. I told him he could go anywhere he wanted but couldn't come back to out home afterwards. So he didn't go, but he moved into our son's old bedroom and wouldn't talk to me for weeks. He and EA#1 broke up a few months later when she mistakenly sent him a message meant for another man on skype

[mizjjd]

That sounds HORRIBLE.

Poor you!

But, why didn't he go? Because of what you told him?

[RosaLinda]

I'm not sure. He wouldn't say one word to me. But he sent out emails to everyone with a cc to me claiming that I was cheating on him and trying to poison him. The whole thing was awful. Then a few minths later he was telling me I was worth 10 of EA and got depressed and withdrawn for about a year. He got a bunch of new divorced EAs pen pals for a month or two each, many at the same time. And told them all about his cheating wife, and that he only stayed with me "for the children" (25 and 36 at the time ) and that he had never felt like EA made him feel since his first GF. Then he had a short flirtation with RT last summer and broke up with her because she wanted him to divorce me and marry her. He turned back into my old H until Jan, when RT came back to be his language partner again. But she came for a 2 week visit in March, he took off with her, and now they are in love. And he's going to Moscow in 2 weeks

I hope to God this all indicates MLC and not some moral defect or insanity

[Whiterose]

Oh he's, I knew she is in Russia, but what do we know she could be global! GT not RT. LOL

[beatrice]

RL - URworthy expressed better what other posters including myself have been trying to explain.

1. Your husband is in crisis, and you cannot fix him. There are no guarantees, no magic formula, no time line. For now, accept that he is 'gone'. That is hard, and you are somewhat traumatised, so getting back your equilibrium and joy in life is not a quick process.

2. Dealing with a MLCer bends us out of shape. You have to refind who you really are, and live with that person. Your spouse is not livable with at present, as a spouse, however 'nice' or 'nasty' his behaviour is.

3. It follows therefore that you need to take the focus off your husband and put it on yourself, and live life for you. If you do not know what you want or who you are, then you have lost sight of yourself during all of this, which I totally understand, and also did.


Everything you are doing I did - focused too much on xh, worried about how I would manage on my own, psychologically (I knew I would be fine practically as, like you I am capable and hard working)

I won't try and deceive you - it was hard beyond anything I have ever done, but there is a payoff. I am fine, more than fine now, and I can look at my xh and see how broken he is. I disengaged myself from his drama. Detached, if you prefer that word. Detaching is almost zen. It is a real letting go. I used visualization, hard work, a lot of fun, close friendships with good people. I filled my life with good things, and gradually the overwhelming sense of loss and need faded.

If you think you ;need; your husband to be happy then you are not detached. I would like hugs, and the rest but I do not need them.

[mizjjd]

I hope to God this all indicates MLC and not some moral defect or insanity

I think the lines between MLC/moral defect/insanity are gossamer fine.

Determination can probably only be made from a distance - literal or temporal.

It seems your H's pending journey has put you into a tailspin. You are a very smart lady. What can you do to stop your spin?

Keep breathing RL. Take care of yourself.

Something to ponder - for myself possibly more than anyone else. The actual "leaving" of the spouse is NOT the worst that could happen to our Ms. Its just the result of the worst that has already happened. Once the bomb has dropped the M is over, regardless of WAS/MLC leaving or staying. This can be hard to see when the WAS/MLC remains in house.

(((hugs)))