I'm going to give you all a quick synopsis of my sitch:
- 2 1/2 yrs again H's mom diagnosis w terminal ovarian cancer - 2 yrs ago H started pulling away from me & started "going out w work friends regularly including OW" - 1 3/4 yrs ago (at least) H has EA w OW - 1 yr 8 months ago- #1 BD- ILYBNILWY speech & reveals love for OW
- 1 yr ago H mother dies - 9 1/2 months ago H moves out - 4 months ago- first time "D" word is mentioned - 1 month ago- we agree to see a mediator
- 2 days ago- H confesses his depression & misses family but still in love w OW who is no longer comm w him -1 day ago- H calls and apologizes for screwing up our whole lives and our kids' lives - this morning: (I have to add the details here as this is NEW)
As H is picking up S14 & S9 for a 3-day trip and I am half-asleep on couch he comes over and sits next to me and says he has some thoughts he wants me to consider.
H- "What if I give my aptmt complex 2 months notice and if in 2 months things are going okay (meaning we are getting along okay/not fighting AND OW doesn't come back to him, I think) I could move back in to S14's room-- for the sake of the family and for our financials. I would only do this if I intended to stay and not move out again as this would be too traumatic for the boys."
No mention of him wanting to save our M. No mention of him wanting to be w me again. It was all about the sake of "saving our family." It was all about him wanting to be part of the boys' lives again. It was all about him being lonely and realizing that all there is in life is family.
My thoughts currently- *I will NOT have him move back in UNLESS/ UNTIL OW is completely out of the picture. This means I would expect him to minimal ask to transfer to another building (currently the work next door to each other). * I would expect him not to continue ANY kind of friendship with her. *I would need his feelings for her to be over (grieving done). *I would expect him to date me again and court me and START OVER. *He would have to prove that I can trust him. * He would have to prove that he loves me over and over and over. * He would have to show 180s in areas that I don't want to live with any more-- constant complaining about family life and the children's activities dictating life.
I am in a much happier place now & to be honest while this is what I would have loved to have happened 6 months ago, right now it is making me very unhappy. I will not return to my former life!
And, I will not be option B- ever! And, to be honest, that's exactly what I am right now- OPTION B. Because OW dumped him or did not live up to promises she made him or whatever, but he did not decide to choose me over her. And, there's nothing to lead me to believe that he wouldn't drop everything again if she just gave the word...or that he won't try to "hang on" to some sort of friendship w her at work.
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M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
