180 In a way I'm glad H new friend is not the 20 year old but its still sad that he is with her mom. Anyway dont think about it just keep moving on with your life and your son's life. You and your son are the most important ppl right now. And that is what I'm doing right now is working on how to improve myself to make me a better and healther mom to my boys. I know I have a lot of ppl that are supporting me thru this process. I'm still having a hard time trying to catch up on the bills that I'm in charge of thanks to my H. But I just learned that he is even more in debt then he was with me. And the sad part I don't feel sorry for him at all this is what he wanted. So I wonder what OW thinks about him now cause he no longer has the Money to spend on her and their outings. Any way from what I her OW has a really good job so maybe now she is the one that has to fork out all that money that he use to do I wonder how much longer she will support him now since he has no money. And I also heard that he has been working a lot more hours just to be able to catch up on his bills. So now OW will hardly see him cause he has to work so much. Well I won't worry about it anymore because this is what they both wanted for themselves. I should try saying that H left me and see what our family and friends would say.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Hi K, I don't know if H is with her mum or not I'm just guessing! When my H first left me 12 years ago to move in with this OW, he got himself more and more in debt. She was in debt as well and in the end he couldn't stand it anymore and that's partly why he decided to come home. The important thing that you can do is not demand money off him. Let the OW make demands on him, he'll soon get fed up with it or her with him Don't dwell on it though, you're thinking too much about it. I know it's hard not to and you are probably right. It won't help yo move on, but it will make you feel better knowing that he's miserable, lol. We've just come back from a fun day in town and I've noticed I've had 2 missed calls from H. I rang him back but there was no answer, so I've left him a text. He's just rung me back now to say he can't see my son again this week as he's working tomorrow. That's the second sunday in a row he's let my son down Oh well, he's the one who's missing out!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Strange how for all three of us our H's seem to think that their financial problems are linked to their marriages but then find themselves worse off with the OW than with us. Maybe that's karma!
Yes, H and I have money problems - we've just entered into a debt settlement program to sort ourselves out. From what I've heard OW is a gold digger, so I'm guessing that H has been flashing cash and she thinks he's her meal ticket. Another theory from someone who's met her is that as her son is almost at the age where her child support is going to stop, she's looking for a replacement source of money. Bet she doesn't know the truth about H's finances - he spends more than he earns and he's just had to give up his credit card and line of credit for the debt settlement plan. And I haven't even started pushing for the child support he owes yet - that's currently under negotiation.
TTD180, sorry to hear your H is letting your son down. You're not alone in that - mine manages to fit in 4-5 hours at most once a week if S13 is lucky. H has said he might come swimming with us one night this week - we'll see if that actually happens.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
NQ, as far as I know my H isn't with an OW now. If he was then I'm sure the person I'm thinking of will not be happy if my H starts sponging off her. I'm getting fed up of him as well coming and going and arriving at lunchtime just in time to have a sandwich. I purposely was out on Weds when he was supposed to be coming round as I could'nt be bothered making him a sandwich. K, you'll soon get fed up of H coming and going when he wants to. It may not be happening for you now, but once he gets fed up of his new bird then he might start hanging around more Just keep your eye on him over the next few months and watch how things develop. It'll be interesting that's for sure NQ, my H sees my son about 2 and a half hours on Sunday and that's it! He will have him over to his place once a month when he picks him up on saturday morning and my S stays there until sunday afternoon. K is right when she says that she misses her boys. The house feels so empty without my son and often H will tell me that week so I've not got time to plan anything with my friends. Grrrrr!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Sorry TTD180. Guess I should have said out of the marriage instead of with OW.
I'm sure mine deliberately changes his plans so that I can't make any of my own. Of course he's not used to me having plans because my life always revolved around him and my son.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
I agree I said to H on the phone today that I'm glad that he's told me the day before so I can plan ahead. I also said to him that I feel sad for my son as this is the second week he's not seen him. He said it's only been a week, picky so and so! Pity he picked his new BFF over his son last Sunday! Never mind I'm sure he'll get his just desserts sometime :)They must miss their sons, mustn't they?!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
OK I will try that not to push for extra money but I do need the money he said he would give me every other week that one I will have to push for. If not I'll be in trouble with my rent and bills. Working retail I don't make that much.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
You should get any money off him that you need, after all they are his boys I just meant about making extra demands on him, stuff you can do without. Have you thought of doing a car boot sale or isn't there one near to you? That can be a great way of earning extra money My H doesn't provide any extra money for his son, so I have to live on the money I get from the state for now. I should be starting up my own business soon, so that will be better for me
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
You should get any money off him that you need, after all they are his boys I just meant about making extra demands on him, stuff you can do without. Have you thought of doing a car boot sale or isn't there one near to you? That can be a great way of earning extra money My H doesn't provide any extra money for his son, so I have to live on the money I get from the state for now. I should be starting up my own business soon, so that will be better for me
Ttd180 is right. He should be paying child support if nothing else. I'm still in negotiations with my H over that and he knows that it is backdated to separation. It'll be his bank account that suffers if he doesn't start paying soon. The least your H should be expected to do is support his kids.
In case you didn't get the "car boot sale" reference by Ttd180, it's pretty well a yard or garage sale. It's not a term used here in Canada but I remember how well organized they are from the years I lived in the UK.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
NQ, I did wonder if you'd know about car boot sales over there, Thanks for explaining it to K Do you only have yard or garage sales over there then? Some places in the US don't allow yard sales anymore, so that's why I didn't mention it. It would be great if we had yard sales over here because then I didn't have to go anywhere, lol.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Oh well, he's the one who's missing out!