I found the 180 online, put into practice and by following links, found myself here. I bought the book, DIvorce Busting, and am slowly working my way through it.
H and I separated on August 1st, so this is very raw for me.
We separated once before, but I don't think we made the necessary changes, and now a few years later, here we are again.
Money has always been a sore point, he spends it and then resents me for using what little we have to get the bills paid. I think it has become a control issue with him determined to spend and me determined to not spend....and the fight is on.
H has taken to withholding affection to the point where we have not ML in over a year. I resent him for doing it, he resents me for putting him in that position.
H also spent time in Iraq, and I believe it changed him in ways that I cannot even explain.
Our M is unhealthy and broken. But yet, we do still love each other.
He moved out, we are going to co-own the house until such time as I buy him out and we are going to share custody of the family dog.
It's all very civil, amicable and polite. I want to pull my hair out and scream. I have the rules on my phone,and every time I want to call him and cry my heart out, I find something to do. This calm (even if some days it's only a facade) is perplexing him, I know. He keeps expecting me to call him repeatedly, to start a fight, to melt down, and I don't know what steps to take next.
I know he needs time to miss me, I know he needs time to sort out his feelings. Hell, I do to. I'm no good to anyone as I am...and I don't think I would take him back right now because we are both messed up. But I would want to more than anything.
I'm a little wishy washy right now.
I want him back, but I don't want the constant drama back.
