I just don't understand it. I don't understand how you go from wanting to see a marriage counselor to leaving for good in six months. I don't understand all the mental pivots she has made in the past year.

There are times I feel foolish for caring so much and still wanting this to work. We were together for 5 years and married for 3.5 on BD. I've been DBing for nearly 2/3 a year now and made virtually no progress. We haven't talked about our M in any depth since the first few weeks after the BD.

I always sort of looked down on divorced couples. I saw it as a personal failing, a weakness, and now I feel the same way about myself. I don't know how to forgive myself for letting this happen. I strongly feel there's nothing that can't be worked through, and I believe MWD and 5LL when they say love requires work and isn't effortless walk in the daisies like Hollywood would have us believe.

My BD was instigating by me discovering a text that would lead any reasonable person to suspect she was having an affair. She says she wasn't and other factors seem to support that. I used to think infidelity was an absolute dealbreaker for me (one of my first stops was a lawyer) but after I cooled down that day, I realized it wasn't. That's how much my M and my W meant to me.

When I see all the people here making so much headway, it just guts me that my W thinks so little of me and our M to be so inflexible and so unwilling to give it one more try. I know with everything I've learned this year that things would be different and things would be the way the should have been this whole time.


I don't know how I'm going to put this behind me. I've never been anything but a monogamous person, never wanted to play the field or any of that. When I married, divorce wasn't even an option. I thought it wasn't for her, either. I thought she loved me more than anyone ever has and I thought she was the most dedicated and loyal person I've ever met. If I could be wrong about her, I could be wrong about anyone. How can I trust anyone again? How can I let myself be this vulnerable with someone again? Is there anyone out there who doesn't see love and marriage as something sacred and holy and not just another transaction?

It seems like people always let me down.

Wonka: You're a strong person for DBing as long as you are. I'm impressed. How long were/are you married?

Positivespin: I wouldn't have given her the money even if I had it. I was shocked and embarrassed for her that she thought could ask such a thing. I've only shared it with maybe two people outside of here, I'm so ashamed for her. I wouldn't say I've softened, because I've always felt the way do.

You're welcome to join me on the west coast—it's the best coast! I'm so spoiled I couldn't live anywhere else.

I have some hobbies, but I need to find cheaper and more engrossing ones. smile I do have a really awesome cat, though. She kind of thinks she's a dog.

185 lbs this morning. Thats 100 down. Triple digits, baby! One more pound and I won't be overweight!

MrCAS: Thanks for the support, I appreciate it so much!