Well its been an interesting week. Nothing too interesting...just some observations. H arrived last Thursday night. I implemented my new boundaries immediately. It was the weekend, he came when he said he would. As far as I can tell he has not been calling or texting OW while he is here.
School started for us today (our week is Sun-Thurs) and that was a bit weird because he is no longer coming over in the mornings before school. The 'funny' thing is that when he arrived here a few days ago, it was obvious that he had not listened to me when I spoke to him about the boundaries before hand, nor had he read them when I sent him the text. So he was surprised when he spoke about the mornings and I reminded him that we were not doing that anymore. He said he would read the text. Up until now I dont know if he actually has. I told him if he has any questions I would be happy to speak with him.
I have a lot to learn though about how I view him. And I how I treat him. I need to remeber that my thoughts become actions and words. He is on his own journey and while it may hurt me at times still, I cant do anything about it and I cannot continue to judge him.
It was strange not to have him here in the morning...I didnt really like it and I wanted to cave because of the kids. As much as I tried to explain to them beforehand that daddy will not be coming in the mornings anymore, of course they want him and dont fully understand. I really felt like I implemented these boundaries for the right reasons, but this morning felt that maybe I need to suck it up more for the kids.
I have been reading and reading about boundaries. About MLC (again) and I think I am confused about where I am right now. I have really detached from H. I am civil with him and even friendly at times. I dont pursue, beg, etc. I still am learning HOW to communicate with him to be honest. I am learning how to action the new things I have learned with HIM.
Yesterday I was invited out by my friends (they used to be Hs friends too) and as I was walking into the restaurant, I found H walking in too to join us. I was really surprised but did not show it. I took it in stride and had a great night with my friends. I think everyone was a bit surprised he came. Its the first time he is in the same place as me socially, by his own choice, in...well I cant even remember when the last time was.
And now he is saying cryptic things to S9 and my nephew. My nephew asked him if he had ever been to Paris and H said no, I guess I will have to go alone sometime (boo hoo).
S9 was asking H (again) if he would come back and live with us and H told S9 they will talk about it later but that he promises things will get better. When S9 told me this I got a little upset inside because S9 felt that meant H might be coming home. I think its just H's new way of avoiding the question. I have not seen one tiny bit of any intention of H coming back towards us. Nothing different than in the past when I hoped I was seeing some signs.
I truly believe what we have learned here...that as long as OP in the picture nothing can move forward in the sitch.
I must further detach because I did let some obnoxious comments slip out the other day...I am still upset about him missing D6's bday.
He was very engaged during S9s bday, yet he didnt show up for D6's because he was with OW (he said I dont know the whole story-I said it doesnt matter, the result was that you chose to miss her birthday). I am planning a trip with the kids during our mid semester break and the kids asked him to come with us (i did not) and he said he would try. Yet, he is still with OW.
I put my head back into the here and now and thanked him for being here now for S9s bday and left it at that.
He says weird things...again cryptic. Today D6 told a fib and I told her (he was there) that she should never be afraid to tell the truth. No matter how hard it is to say it. He then mumbled something and I said excuse me I didnt hear you and he said no I was just commenting on what you said. I said I didnt hear. He said 'and the truth shall set you free' and I looked at him and kind of smiled and so did he. Then I said remember in a few good men when Jack Nicolson says 'you cant handle the truth' ? and i kind of laughed and so did he.
So I dont know what is going on in his head. I am sticking to my boundaries and moving forward with my life. Now that I have 18 year old nephew living with me, I have more than enough on my plate than to deal with the other 18 year old I am married too.
I will say this in complete honesty. I am still wary that he has some big scheme he is planning. I have always had that with me since this started. Its been one of the hardest things i have had to deal with within myself...not allowing myself to be happy because I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I still am grateful for this journey. I hope I am doing the best I can for my kids.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
