pay no mind to the demons; they fill you w/fear

[Whiterose]

WR,
I have noticed over the years that God has a way of making us focus on other things. For example, family and/or friends in the hospital, car accidents, health issues, etc.

That is an interesting point Snodderly, one I hadn't thought of, I'll work on focusing on other things. Thank you for your well wishes for my dad and FIL-I appreciate it.

I have read that stress breaks down the immune system, and can make a person sick.
I know stress is an actual killer...it's toxic for the body. I have active crohn's disease and this stress doesn't help.


I think the low point in my marriage was the day I was laying on the couch, so sick and weak from chemo that I could barely stand up, and H asked me if I planned to miss work AGAIN, and informed me he had decided to spend Christmas in Germany with EA1. If I did not kick his ass put that day I guess I never will. He did apologize however, months later, when he got encephalitis from lymes disease, and said he did not realize how sick I was. 

That sounds like it was devastating Linda....I'm so sorry you had to go through that,not right! I'm glad you got an apology but part of me feels like it should have never been said, you wouldn't say that to a stranger....these men say stuff that boggles the mind

Gee sorry for rambling on about myself. I meant to just say that God sure is distracting you on all fronts there Rose. It would have been nice for your H to respond to the nice message your mom sent him. But maybe he isn't trying to be rude, but just can't face the sickness and is doing what MLCers do best - run away. 

you're not rambling at all I can see that he is trying to distract me now. I need to detach. To not care what he's doing or thinking....this may take time. I'm not thinking of him as much as at the beginning which I will take as a victory

From reading your posts, I am certain that you are a great mom, Rose. God blessed you with children with your H. I know it's hard tp see now, but your H is going to go thru many changes, twists and turns, but is eventually going to drag himself out of the tunnel he fell in. And he will be grateful to realize that you have been standing there this whole time. Holding his home together, doing your best for his kids, keeping a heart filled with love and compassion for him. And he will bless you for it. 

Thank you Linda. my children ARE a blessing. When I got pregnant so young, unmarried, and so quickly I could not understand what was happening. It moved my life into hyperdrive and we had S14 5 years later. We had always wanted a third but after I got so sick at 29 it was not possible. It dawned on us that if God had not pushed my life forward I may have never have had a chance to have children because I may have waited too long. I just don't understand how God allowed me to have H's children.....is it awful to say he is not worthy of being their father. He certainly isn't worthy of being my husband. I'm angry I guess and very upset. I truly pray that he will make it through the tunnel to me, like Justin Timberlake sings
"And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along"
but, quite honestly, in this last week I don't think there's much hope he's coming back......I think he's gone forever