Interesting times

[wishing, hoping]

For me, it is a BIG mystery to me about the male MLC mind who stays stuck in the Mr. Hyde phase for a long time. Maybe I don't really want to understand that mindset for some of the cruelty shown outward, as in WH's example, is quite breathtaking!

What I am trying to see from where I sit is the why part as it relates to the male MLCer sustaining the Mr. Hyde aspect for soooo long. It has to be darn diring to keep that facade up!! From what I've seen on these boards with the mean-spirited male MCLer, it seems like that they work pretty darn hard to extinguish the small flicker of light/flame of 'love' they have for their wives. Then the ugliness rear's their head and they reach out to the XW to engage as a 'plaything' for them. It appears that they thrive on drama they deliberately cook up in their 'workshop'.

In my case, even in the midst of my MLC, I still had this deep love for Ms. Wonka that was suppressed deep in my receess. That seemed to keep me going toward to the other side and became whole again after the fog lifted. Granted, I have had the added benefit of Dbing.

Back to the Mr. Hyde thing. It just makes me wonder how these male MLCers can sustain it for long periods of time. The empathy chip isn't just simply out of order; it seems to point to an underlying character issue. We all operate to a certain extent on conscience that acts as our own North Star in navigating through life that alerts us to situations that induces certain behaviors and actions which are classified as either "positive" or "negative." For me, I just cannot imagine behaving in a cruel manner for a long periods of time. We all have had moments where we wished to take back something we've said or done in the heat of the moment. But for the male MLcer who purposely engages in outright, ongoing cruel ways...just don't get that.

I don't know. I could be completely wrong here.

Just wanted to touch upon this. My H WAS a bully in his youth. I have heard stories from his sisters and his younger brother about how H was mean and angry and would choke them or beat up on them. I just thought it was anger issues due to his parents' divorce. At first H did not send up any red flags. As our marriage progressed I started seeing cracks in the facade. Little by little I saw more bullying behaviors. Not so much with me, but at his work, or with his ex-wife or with others that we didn't know well. It wasn't until the last three years or so I really started noticing the bullying behavior being applied to me. I have seen it with the kids too.

H was also bullied by his mother. I think his dad was an absentee, alcoholic father. H now exhibits a lot of the behaviors and attitudes of his mother. Blames others, harbors resentments, financial irresponsibility, etc. His mom is a very unhappy, very "self-entitled" person. When we would visit her H would walk outside and leave me to converse with his mom who would sit and chainsmoke her non-filter cigarettes and go on to complain about injustices people I didn't know did to her tens of years ago. All I could do was smile and nod.

H was also bullied by his ex-wife in a way. From what I understand, he bought her everything and tried to take care of her, but she cheated on him and basically treated him very badly. I guess he is taking a lot of frustrations from his youth out on me. Is that fair? Not at all. Is there anything I can do about it? Not at all.

It's hard being a punching bag for an angry MLCer. I hope you are all right that it gets better.

WH