How long has it been since she stayed the first night in her new place? I really, REALLY wish you would have started this path the day she left b/c it would have been less complicated. However, it is still, IMO, the way you need to go.
When I say less complicated, look at this trip to the concert with her and her family. Since you have waited till now to use the LRT, she may be more confused by your actions to step away from her...."now". B/c you were acting like her buddy. See what I mean? So, it still works, but may take longer. Just want you to understand.
Okay, about your XW1 and you wanting to show son what it is like to have both parents together. My D left her H when she was pregnant, so I know how your S wants the two of you together. However, if you were to start going out as a "family", it would up his hopes that his parents would get remarried. IMHO, it prolongs and adds to the inevitable disappointment he will experience when it doesn't occur. Lease don't get his hopes up, only to disappoint him later.
In response to the different advice you have received on the board, I don't want to offend anyone in what I am about to say. First and foremost, my advice is not foolproof in every case. I only have a small window to see what the poster reveals. If you notice, the majority of newcomers are other left behind spouses. The majority are just like you......new. They can identify with your pain. They can tell you what has not worked in their stitch. They can try to encourage each other. Very few members are WAS who R their M are here on the board trying to help LBS. Right? That is one reason I stick around b/c you all do not get many who will tell you what works or doesn't work from the view point of the WAS. So, what I'm saying is you have to take in account how old the person is, how long they have been M, how long they have been on the board, and which side of the fence they experienced. I know there have been sometimes I would be talking to some LBH, trying to explain what doesn't work with a WAW.......then some other LBS newcomer would come along and say just the opposite, or near about it. I sure understand how you could get confused. I have read some people's report of what their coach advised that I did not,agree with, but the coach has been trained, so I usually back off rather than oppose. Just bear in mind the people on the board are not professional. The majority Re in the same boat with you.
"She didn’t write anything to me. You properly got confused due to my bad writing. The statements from 23. July was sayings."
It is confusing! I suggest you not write about pre-bomb times or something that she said a couple of months ago. Maybe this will cut back on the updated facts. Remember how confusing T100's posts became b/c he would write an entire thread of several ways mhe was THINKING of saying something to his W? I believe he has stopped doing that and it helps a lot.
"This has also gotten me a little confused. I have read many posts mentioning friendly stage but then again I haven’t kept track of how many of these that ended with R."
But that is usually after there was a lot of fighting between the couple, or the WAS was having nothing to do with the LBS. what I want you to see here is there needs to be a break.....a gap......a space of time......before a couple is ready for that stage. Your W has been a little different, but as we've said, you have made things really easy for her. She is wanting to go to concerts with you. That is unusual, compared to others. And if you want to continue as things are right now, just say so. I can't promise you that your W will R with you by doing it this way. I believe you stand a better chance of R the M, but you have to make that decision and own it. I don't want you to come back later and say if you had not listen to Sandi you would have R the M. Okay? I am not a professional MC.
"I am not sure I understand this “reigns”-thing. Perhaps it is due to my English – I don’t know. Would you clarify for me?"
Sorry, I forget. It is an expression, like using the reigns to control which way a horse goes. When you have the reigns, you are in control.
"I would simply love to give this answer – I am looking forward to doing it in fact! I have been told in here not to tell this and just to say something like “We are going through some rough times” or something like that! Is this change also due to LRT?"
Yes, that is what you tell people in the beginning. It is part of that general over-all advice passed along on the board. But you have been here long enough so we can specific to your stitch. And, expect some newcomer to come behind me and say not to give answers to friends & relatives. What you need to understand is you are in a different position now than when you first arrived. And, I am not saying you are to get into discussions with her family & friends. I am saying with certain one (like you mentioned) who ask why you aren't spending time with her (or having long chats, or whatever), you can tell them that she chose to end the M and you are moving forward. If they are rude enough to ask you what that means, or other questions....you jthen tell them you aren't going to discuss it any further. Now, do you understand what I am saying? I don't want you to be confused, so ask questions if you are.
Regarding you giving her validation when she is "spewing" at you . I will give that some study, but right now I am thinking the only time you should valadte her is when it has anything with the kids, otherwise, if she spews at you, you shut it down, say "let's not talk about this further", and then end it. I understand the validating when you are trying to get her to stay in the M with you. But after she leaves, I don't think you should have that o. Your list of "to do's". If the she comes around to have a real R with you, then you can go back to the lavaditatiom, I just don't think a lot of men are gifted in this area and they come across in a pathetic way, not saying you did, but some do. Some sound like they doing nothing more than kissing tail.
I need to turn in for the night, I'm really tird. We'll tektite some of these issues as they come,
