Welcome TryingToDo180. Yes the sitch's do have similarities. Even our ages, married time and son/s. I do agree that going dark with the friend is the best. I think you are right that they don't want to be involved in the sitch and it affects them as well. That has been mentioned a few times, but in saying that, isn't friendship like a marriage, through the good and bad times. I couldn't imagine ignoring a friend in their time of need. But each to their own. Hijack whenever you want.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Second, you really do say "It's like I can't do anything right" a LOT. Just like Mr.Bond said, you said it yourself on your first thread you were selfish and angry" So..... you probably did a lot of things for a long time a lot of people around you didn't agree with. It doesn't make them right but I'm just saying that's probably where they come from when they give you negative reactions.
Lastly.. I don't know what's the deal with your friend for defriending you unless he's taking side with your W. Somebody said on your thread who cares what other people think of the things you put up on fb and I agree. But there are consequences with that. Like I said before a phrase "No second chances" could deliver pretty strong messages. If I were a total stranger and saw the pic I would think you are done with this marriage and that you also believe in no second chance. But that's just me. Who knows how other people took it but I'm saying as much as it's your freedom to put things on fb, it's their freedom too how to take whatever you post means.
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
If the role was reversed and the W put a picture of a similar tattoo on Facebook, the family would reply with "likes" and comments.
Mindreading! I am not sure you are right on this one! That picture was not a picture but a statement! Read your posts again. Do the thinking once more! What do you believe a picture like that signals to the world! It was only out there for an hour but everybody knows!
Originally Posted By: HWA
No one mentioned or complained about the W changing her status from married to separated, and the same message was also sent to all friends on facebook.
IMO you can’t compare this to the FB-picture. She left you and then changed her status – there is nothing wrong in doing the status change. That’s her status in life and on FB. Why would anybody complain?
Originally Posted By: 180
That friend that deleted you on FB - I know this is something you don't want to hear but I don't think he wants to talk to you anymore. I know because this has happened to me. I would now go dark on your friend as well and see if he contacts you.
I have to disagree. Going dark is LRT – LAST resort technique!!! LAST!!! If this is a dear friend there must be something in between. What do you think going dark will accomplish? Why would you go dark? You have tried calling – send a text and ask friend to call you and then leave it there – but do not go dark.
Originally Posted By: GALbaby
Please don't be so hard on yourself HWA. I agree it wasn't such a big deal really. People need to get a life and not be so critical and negative, you know better than that by now and I know you can and will forgive them.
I agree fully on this one but also need to add that it doesn’t matter how you, I, GB, we looks at this. What matters in YOUR head right now is how everybody else looks at matters – so YOU change how other peoples POV affects YOU or YOU change YOUR acting’s – YOU can only change YOU! You can shake your head, bend over, break a leg and it won’t change a bit and then you can accept your doings and the results from these and then learn and adjust according to your wishes. This is about your doings and your perception of others! Do not make it about them – it won’t change anything!
HWA – You made a mistake! Learn from it and then leave it be – you can’t change it!
END OF 2x4
This is not a scorecard and poor me. I know – It would have been some months ago but you a beyond this right now! I simply think it is you looking for reasons in a place (other people) where you won’t find it instead of looking where you will find it.
I will keep my fingers crossed in regard of the transfer – you will know soon – right?
I hope MrBond will look in on you again! I still just a newcomer compared to him! Do remember!
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
If I were a total stranger and saw the pic I would think you are done with this marriage and that you also believe in no second chance. But that's just me.
See, I would never have read it like this and still I completely understand SLU. I would have read: Here is a somewhat bitter man that tries to tell the world that he deserves a second chance.
Different people - different perceptions. That why I keep telling you, that it wasn’t a picture – it was a statement. Who knows how Ws family looked and looks at this!
WORK YOU! You can’t change this!
All the best!
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
I would have read: Here is a somewhat bitter man that tries to tell the world that he deserves a second chance. Different people - different perceptions. That why I keep telling you, that it wasn’t a picture – it was a statement. Who knows how Ws family looked and looks at this!
My point exactly. I would have never read it like Fartiltre read it.
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
Thanks F and stilllookingup. The people who are on facebook knew what "no second chances" meant. It was known that it was the W's comment way back when. The family and friend knew it, because it was one of the letters W wrote while on the cruise, and that was a big statement she said. The statement went along the lines of "sometimes we simply don't get a second chance." Right or wrong it doesn't matter now. What would have been nice, is to contact me if they had a problem with it. Discuss why I would put up a picture like that, if they didn't know.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
stilllooking up, you are right about me continually saying "I can't do anything right". I was reading Change Your Life and Everything In It by MWD last night. And it had something similar about trying to turn those kind of statements around. Will go and reread it later tonight as it is something I need to fix. It is a statement I say to much when I haven't succeeded in something. Another 180, stop saying and thinking it.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
People will say what they want about you but they don't know the whole, true truth to the sitch. You'll just have to ignore them totally. I've faced similar situations and I just completely ignored negative chatter that was going on around these parts. In due course, some people do eventually come around to you. Stay the course.
Welcome Wonka, appreciate your comment. Yes I should DIN.
I think another of my problems is rather than just being co-dependant on my W, I think I am co-dependant in a way with the family and friend. I was sitting down by the bank of the river just a while ago, reading the above book by MWD when I thought about them all defriending me on Facebook and then realised, none of them will know what I am up to. Bonus for me with regards to GAL and 180's.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
HWA, that's the way to look at it, turn your negatives into positives I agree that this friend of mine was never truly a good friend else she wouldn't have turned her back on me during a time when I needed her. I spoke to one of her friends about this and she said the same thing. With your friend, when I said to go dark I didn't mean go totally dark. I just meant to stop contacting him and let him contact you. I agree with what F says though, send him a text but then leave it. If he is a true friend to you, he'll come round eventually. Hope it works out for you, it's horrible losing a friend.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
