Tryingtodo180, Wendylon and FY thanks v much for the posts....sorry its taken so long to get back to them!
Wendylon,
'How about you only smoke when you're with her then?'.....yes, but this is what gets me started smoking again...its the old one leads to another.
In truth re the smoking W is also desperate to give up but can't. Although we do talk a lot with our secret smokes I think I need to just do it for good and lead the way. It is part of the new me I have a vision of....I am nearly there but the smoking is my biggest blocker!
'You could invite your W to join you and S12. Maybe the two of you should do something a few times that S12 enjoys and then invite W to come along so you can 'show off' in terms of the good times that you and S12 have together.'
Agree - however she knows S loves being with me...even though he cant talk his face lights up when I go to pick him up and grabs my hand to take me to the car! It's funny because at BD she said it wouldn't be any different looking after S on her own because that's what she has always done....but she has also always called S a daddys boy and still does! I know she does get jealous of the relationship I have with S but not sure how to address it...I had always put it down to the fact that because I work and saw less of him that he just looks forward to seeing me more.
Re the mysterious I think you hit on a good point. It is difficult trying to be mysterious when you don't live together. She does not know my whereabouts during the week...but my biggest worry is the 'friend' zone and yes, at the moment she has no reason to change. I don't think W is ever getting a taste of what it would be like to truly lose me.
I read one of Sandis posts where she suggested wait at the door etc on pick ups/drops offs. Wonder if I need to start pulling back...any advice on this would help!
Tryingtodo180 - thanks for the comments. I do think having a special needs child changes the dynamic on the GAL front. I do what I can when I can and maximise what I do with time with S. Is there anyone can help you out/childmind? Even just a couple of hours to get to the gym, do a class or something helps if H does not have him much.
'I'm sure I read somewhere that you shouldn't date if you want to R'
Yes I have read that too. Don't worry - I won't....well not until I am truly ready to move on!
'Also if your W does file for D then you don't want her to have an excuse to D you. I get anxious about D as well, my H has said he is going to see a solicitor but I've not heard anything yet.'
^^^ yes its still the cloud that I can't shake off. Day 2 day I am fine until the big D enters my thoughts. I sought legal advice early on in my sitch so at least I am informed if it ever gets to that.
FY - 'I feel like even if W and I do split up, I have no interest in starting up with another woman, with her own issues and family etc. No thanks. I am, and will continue to be fine on my own'
^ that's where I need to get to.
'What made you decide to post your new thread in newcomers?'
^ IDK I still spend more time reading sitchs here than on the MLC forum so thought I would jump back.
I think I need to just do it for good and lead the way. It is part of the new me I have a vision of....I am nearly there but the smoking is my biggest blocker!