'He hasn't shaved in days and I haven't said a thing. That's definitely a 180 on my part. I'm usually 'on his case'.
^ great.
'Earlier this week H worked 35 hours straight and didn't come back overnight'
^ I think this is where boundaries may come in though if he is staying our overnight without saying. Its one thing not being around at meal times etc but I think this is showing disrespect...unless he let you know in advance of course.
'I got annoyed today as H spent the afternoon out and came back smelling of alcohol. I managed not to say anything though. I had a little rant about the tenant who moved out this morning leaving the flat a tip. I was hiding my irritation at H behind my other irritation. I also had a rant about the other tenant who is a hoarder. I suspect that H knows me well enough to know that I was pissed off with him but he won't know for sure...'
^ this sounds a bit passive aggressive to me. Your are angry at H so instead rant about a neighbour....but your H suspects you it was aimed at him. I would have kept quiet...if him drinking bothers you that much then I think you need to set some boundaries......or just let it go, but either way I wouldn't generate a bad atmosphere by ranting about something else to H...when the real reason is you are really angry at H...because it makes everyone in the house uncomfortable. For me if you hate it that much set a clear boundary and be prepared to follow through. If it were me I would act 'as if' unless he is being abusive.
'He's signed the property transfer documents so it shouldn't be long before his late mother's flat and one above hers are properly in my name. Whilst it is a big responsibility and I've never been a landlord before, at least I'm more in control and I'm sure I'll eventually get more rental money than H was getting. His income can go to paying off his debts and his living expenses, and in due course to paying for family treats. At least that's the plan'
^ sounds like you are in control of the finances. All good stuff.
'I went to see a specialist this week re my morning anxiety. He's put me on a drug I'd never heard of before (Mirtazapine/Remeron). I'm hoping it will help. I've only been on it 3 days so hard to say anything apart from fact that I'm really sleepy. I read that lots of people put on tons of weight. I'm not keen on that but I haven't noticed increased appetite so far.'
^ glad to see you are getting help. If the weight worries you can you exercise more?...or ask for another drug?
Wendylon unless I am missing something how is your GAL? Appreciate you are busy and I know special needs S is a handful but how are you meeting new people and looking after yourself? Have you become/becoming a new you and how r u going about it? What is your comfort zone and what are you doing to take you out of it? Whats your bucket list and what have you done to fulfil it whilst H is in teletubby land?
Sorry if I missed anything on earlier threads re this ^.
But it sounds like you are still caught obsessing about your H. Where he is, how he smells, how he looks, has he shaved, where he has been etc. My understanding of detachment...and I may be wrong so would be useful for others to chip in....is that it will only come if you really throw yourself into GAL.....and I can't see it from your posts. Also, if certain behaviour is really bothering you and it is disrespectful to you, then set a boundary and be prepared to follow through....rather than making a comment about it or having a rant about something else when everyone knows it is about H.
Let us know how the anxiety drugs go and all the best. You still have great strength and glad to hear you are making progress with you.
