What a day! I had an impromptu meeting with both attorneys, xh via phone, for several hours hashing out a temporary support order (the terms will be incorporated into the final settlement which isn't quite done). I got what I asked for which was above guideline support with no termination date even when the boys turn 18 (the support will continue through college). I suspect it will be modified at some point, but not for quite awhile. Once it was signed xh went right to the bank and deposited what he's owed me - finally! I was gracious and thanked him. I also told him that I appreciate that he works hard to support us and that's true even though he's made my life a living hell. He replied "welcome."
While I'm gone the attorneys will continue to finalize the MSA. As of now I have full legal and physically custody of the boys with visitation to be determined by the therapist. I'm also getting my house with a small payout to xh when I sell. The duration for the refi is being negotiated. So really, we're pretty much done unless xh gets cold feet and and wants to modify the terms.
Honestly, I don't know how I came out of this so well. It certainly wasn't worth what the boys and I have been through. I would still rather have my family intact, so really what does any of it matter. Yes, the boys and I will have our needs met, and I'm extremely grateful, but really, it just doesn't feel that good.
GM, I'm glad that the temporary support order has now been settled and he paid you what you were owed. Something must have clicked for him to finally work with you.
No, it isn't always worth the fight for settlement because most people would prefer to have the spouse reconcile and continue living out their days together. I'm sorry it doesn't feel right, but I do understand. No one knows what the future holds and maybe, just maybe, some day he'll wake up and realize what he's done and want to reconcile. But, that is far into the future and God may have other plans for you and your sons.
For now, travel safely and enjoy your time away. You've earned a bit of down time to enjoy yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you, WH. I'm praying for you too. After so much anger, fear, resentment it's amazing how easily the two attorneys and I worked together to come up with a support order that xh agreed to and we were both satisfied with. If only we could have done this a year ago. Better yet, if only xh would have slowed down and given our marriage a chance the last 20 months could have been so different.
WH, keep the faith that peace will come in your family. It may not work out the way you originally wanted. I understand how terribly painful that is. I'm still very much grieving for what's been lost, but am grateful for the peace I have today even if it is temporary.
The boys and I had a wonderful vacation with our friends. We were treated to lots of fun and enrichment - museums, day on the lake, kid activities, dinner out, etc. While there we felt completely normal and so far removed from the life that has caused so much grief. We're close with my friend's family and with her sister and family a few doors away we were part of a large, supportive, loving family with lots of conversation and laughs around the dinner table, long conversations, constant hugs and kisses, etc. The boys and I don't have that in our home life. We have friends and our own routine, but it's not the same.
We've been back for a week and are determined to keep the good feelings going. We are focused on creating a better life for ourselves for the time we are here. Xh is going to make that difficult. He met with the boys therapist while we were gone and apparently he still blames me for everything and was full of justifications. The therapist said he has multiple agendas and he saw a side of xh that he doesn't like. Their meeting didn't go well. I received a hostile text from xh saying he is about done with the therapist which means he won't continue to pay for the boys to see him. This doesn't surprise me. Xh thought he would find someone to patch up the boys and all would be well. He doesn't want to hear the truth about the damage his actions have caused. This is so typical. When xh disagreed with me he would hang up the phone, leave the house and go dark for a bit. He's a runner.
I have been avoiding contacting my attorney and she hasn't contacted me. I assume a final settlement hasn't been reached or she would be after my signature. I have to call her on Monday to get an update, but I'm dreading it. I've had a taste of what life will be like once the business is settled and I no longer have fear of what xh can do. But for now, that's not reality. Xh can still mess with my life, particularly my housing. Before I left his attorney was clear that he and xh wanted to get the settlement wrapped up. We'll see.
I'm trying very hard to persevere and not let fear take over. I'm fighting for normalcy, but I feel like I'm just distracting myself from reality. It's confusing.
I'm so with you on this GM. It svcks. They are so angry and so out for themselves. It is sickening and the kids are the ones who pay the ultimate price.
Yes, H said in court Thursday one of the reasons he is hesitant to put D in counseling is the expense. Really? His insurance covers everything but the copay. He pays on his time and I pay on my time. S goes once a month so he is paying $25 every two months. I am sorry this counseling for your children is breaking your budget, H.
Hopefully you will get your settlement resolved. I am in the same boat as you. But now I can see what everyone says how these MLC'ers are quick to file, but drag their feet on negotiations just to wear us down.
What a bunch of jerks.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
so glad you had a wonderful time GM....you deserve it!! you all do:)
hope it all works out with your settlement and that you can find some relief.
WH, this struck me "But now I can see what everyone says how these MLC'ers are quick to file, but drag their feet on negotiations just to wear us down." Wonder if this is what my H plans on doing.......ugg
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Thank you for the support, WH and WR. I'll catch up on your sitches and post a reply.
Xh is trying to drag me back into the craziness. He texted me and the therapist today accusing one or both of us of lying and being uncooperative. I replied back that I'm tired of dealing with him. I've been kind to him and he continues to misdirect hostility towards me. I haven't done anything wrong. I just wanted clarification from the therapist which is reasonable and in the boys' best interest. I haven't heard back from him. He can sit with that for awhile. I feel a storm coming and am trying my very best to remain calm and faithful.
I want to block xh again. This all feels wrong. I certainly wouldn't let anyone else contact me with such nonsense. I know if I block him this situation will get worse. I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to cooperate so I can get the settlement signed, but even that isn't working. Help!
