Ugh. I just can not shake the sadness the last couple days. Even with all the crappy stuff he has done...I miss him.
My husband has totally been cake eating (calling daily to take my temperature, ask if I'm dating, etc..., still wanting sex)
and I put my foot down on Thursday. I said if he wants a divorce we have to act like divorced people. This is not what it will be like after a divorce. We need to stop talking daily and no more sex. He has a girlfriend for crying out loud! I can not respect myself for having sex with him. I was absolutely becoming a doormat to save my marriage. He was walking all over me.
And of course he said OK and I haven't heard from him since. And I'm sad that he gave up so easily, though I totally expected it.
And even though I know it was the right thing to do, I have to have boundaries...I am his WIFE not his OW, and that's how it was starting to feel...he was only calling me in the mornings on his way to work, when she's not around...evenings and weekends when I know she's off work, I don't hear from him AT ALL...our children could be bleeding to death in the hospital and he wouldn't answer. I would have to call every single one of his friends to get THEM to call him so he would answer...he does NOT answer my calls or texts, ever.
I'm still sad because it seems like those little morning phone calls were all I'm ever going to get out of him...and without that, he's gone.
But I know in the long run if I can't have him all, I'm better off with none of him. He was not treating me with the respect that his wife and mother of his children deserves.
And of course up until the very last second he has to give me that stupid false hope...the last thing he said to me was that he has a lot to think about and he will call me later. Ha! He's been "thinking" for 5 months and never gives me the results of that thinking. And he also said, "it's not over 'til it's over"
Yet he's moved out of the house, got a girlfriend and is pushing this divorce through. He has an appointment with his attorney on Thursday. Sure seems like he wants it to be over to me!
His words say he is confused and doesn't know what he wants...but his actions are going to get him a divorce from the one woman that will ever truly love him (28 year old OW is after his money, 100%) and a crappy relationship with the only 3 kids he will ever have because he is choosing time with her over time with his family and never sees his children. They won't even come to the phone to talk to him anymore and they never ask about him.
And he knows this. He will tell me this is his loss, I've been a fabulous wife, he's probably going to regret this...but he thinks I'm just going to be sitting here waiting. He makes comments all the time about us remarrying in the future, etc...
I think he thinks we're going to divorce and he can just continue to come by for sex whenever it's convenient.
It's like he doesn't want to give me up as his wife...he just doesn't want any responsibility as a husband.
Ugh. Two steps forward, one step back. I was feeling much more disconnected earlier in the week. Now I just feel discarded. He chose her over his family.
And I'm sad that he gave up so easily, though I totally expected it. 
