Two years in limbo, it's a fine place

[Rick1963]

I want nothing from my ex. Nothing.. She gave little during the M.

[BklynMom]

Your H living sitch has made him completely unavailable to be loved by his family. Very psychological.

Seems unsustainable long term.

[adinva]

I agree Bklyn but I think for H it is sustainable. It's been a long slow slide to this point, and I think his superficial relationships are all he wants from now on. I know him better than his own mother does, I lived with him longer than anyone on earth. He closes doors that he will not reopen. He shrugs and takes it as the way it has to be. This is a guy who memorized a license plate of a car he thought took a parking spot his mom was waiting for, remembered it for several years, waiting and planning, and then egged the guys car, years later, pleased with himself about the fact that the guy would have no idea why his car got egged. We're not dealing with a regular guy. I almost broke up with him over that incident, and wish I had. Somehow I thought I'd be on the inside of his circle and the venom would only be directed outside, but that didn't turn out to be the case.

Thanks to those who are still writing here. Almost like Christmas when I come and find my sorry old thread on page 1. I think more and more I don't belong in Newcomers but I like it here.

So, my amusing post of the day. S15 informed me when I got home yesterday that he bought a machete. Joking? No, he bought a machete. He was sitting at the computer and found an unused Walmart gift card for $15 so he went online and ordered himself a machete.

I absolutely love raising boys. They are so strange and exotic.

I told him he can try it out on the wisteria that's threatening to take over my side yard.

I got Wild and it's great. I had no idea what it was about, but it reminds me a little bit of the other book Into the Wild, which I also loved. Any parent of a high-spirited boy should read that. This is like the girl's version, at least so far. Now I'm going out on the AT.

I also did more GAL this week. I renewed a friendship and made a date to play tennis, as well as another to meet her friend with her for dinner. I called my too-busy best friend and nailed her down to take a walk with me so we met up yesterday for a little work break and caught up. I made a new recipe for artichokes. And the piece de resistance, I'm going by myself to meet up with a group of people I've met once before, to tailgate before the Jimmy Buffet concert. My sister's arriving later. My H agreed to babysit the house for me so I'm taking care of some things that would bug him, like the days of dishes and the Christmas tree lights that got pushed in a corner. I got my guitar out two days for two, to practice a couple of songs before Sunday's meetup.

Always feels like there's more to do, but I'm getting better at shoving some things off and not worrying about them. My too-busy friend is more busy and stressed than I am, from taking vacations and buying a beach house and listening to her sibling's problems. I have some things that stress me out but I'll take care of them when I get around to them and first I want to read and hike and play guitar. It'll all get done.

Two of the new fish in my tank have ich, bummer.

That's the news from Lake Wobegone.

[adinva]

Hi Rick1963 thank you for visiting my thread! I hear you. I want nothing from my H either, and I would love nothing more than to go on with my life and never hear from him again, but I have my kids to think about and my IC says asking H to step up and take some of the load is not only good for me but more importantly good for them. He may not be there the way I want him to or wish he would, but he's still alive and able to spend some time doing things they need, even if he didn't come up with the idea himself.

I don't think that relates to your sitch, and I think your W sort of automatically picked up time with your D for whatever it's worth, so it's not a commentary on your sitch or your choices at all.

If I did not have kids with H my story would have been a lot shorter. Frankly, I'm glad it had to get stretched out over so long because I'm a better person for it. I wouldn't have felt compelled to get so emotionally healthy if it weren't for the kids.

Anyway, what's cookin lately?

[adinva]

I wrote a quote on the white board in my office that I got from Pema Chodron, at least according to google.

You are the sky. Everything else...it's just the weather.

I like that.

[labug]

I like that quote, too.

I also agree that if I had quit DBing (my definition)earlier, my growth would have been stunted. Continuing to face myself and the "weather" has been beneficial in a profound way.

The best gifts: gaining the understanding that I'm in charge of my emotions, learning not to take things personally and that worry solves nothing. Letting go is pretty cool also.

I've also learned that meditation and yoga really can make a difference.

All in all, it's been a bumpy ride but my kids got a better mother, my friends got a better friend, my employer got a better employee, not a bad trade-off.

[2thepoint]

I also did more GAL this week. I renewed a friendship and made a date to play tennis, as well as another to meet her friend with her for dinner. I called my too-busy best friend and nailed her down to take a walk with me so we met up yesterday for a little work break and caught up. I made a new recipe for artichokes. And the piece de resistance, I'm going by myself to meet up with a group of people I've met once before, to tailgate before the Jimmy Buffet concert. My sister's arriving later. My H agreed to babysit the house for me so I'm taking care of some things that would bug him, like the days of dishes and the Christmas tree lights that got pushed in a corner. I got my guitar out two days for two, to practice a couple of songs before Sunday's meetup.

It is really nice to see you out there getting a life or better said, living a life!

Always feels like there's more to do, but I'm getting better at shoving some things off and not worrying about them. My too-busy friend is more busy and stressed than I am, from taking vacations and buying a beach house and listening to her sibling's problems. I have some things that stress me out but I'll take care of them when I get around to them and first I want to read and hike and play guitar. It'll all get done.

I remember observing a year or two back that you had way too much on your plate. It is nice to see that you are "getting better at shoving some things off..."

Keep up the good work! You've come a long way baby!

[labug]

BK, Ad, 2, Rick and I are all oldtimers, e came to the boards within a couple of months of each other....maybe we should have an Oldtimers forum as opposed to newcomers.

You all have gotten me through some tough times, thanks.

[labug]

Ad, I'm jealous of the Buffett concert. H got me a Buffett boxed set for Christmas several years ago.

Are you going in Buffett attire?

[willbwell]

thanks guys from a relatively newbie(one year) I want to get that 'in charge of my emotions'...also to implant in my head that worry solves nothing. I'm still just in the trying to detach phase! a lot to learn, but I am willing...