EE = Essential Experience workshop. 25 talks a lot about it. Several other DBers have gone, too. Seeing the before/after changes in the other DBers is what convinced me to check it out.
Thanks for clarifying, SD. I don't really read up on everyone often enough. Glad you found the experience helpful and uplifting. That has to count for a lot.
Have a good weekend!
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
While I was boosting my PMA with some exercise, P emailed to say that she's made arrangements to stay with another friend when she and her daughter come to town, but thanks for the offer.
"I don't know if you'd like to go out to dinner one night when we are there, maybe with [other friends]?"
Interesting. Isn't that interesting?
I could speculate. That's all I'll get because there won't be any opportunity for conversation. I suspect that she's unwilling to face one on one time because she anticipates the discomfort of seeing my pain or feeling her guilt. Oh well.
Speculating on the why is probably not going to be worth your while... we could navel gaze on this one for awhile and probably still not come up with her real truth.
But ouch. I think for right now, you have some solid answers on where she is in her current R with you. You offered to be her friend, and the good thing is that you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you can be vulnerable and offer friendship. You're a good egg, SD.
What are you doing for the Labor Day weekend? Any fun plans to place your focus?
Hugs,
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Thanks Bets. I so appreciate your perspective (all over these boards).
I'm just waiting for the snow in that upturned paperweight to settle back down before I respond to P's email. Meanwhile, I have plenty of distractions.
I'm hoping that my campfire hosting friends do it again this weekend...
Uh, why would you want to see her anyway? What would be the purpose? If I didn't have kids with Voldy I wouldn't be having friendly dinners with her! Maybe I've missed the reasoning somewhere earlier in your sitch. Just seems painful with no up side to me.
It's about me being able to get unstuck from reacting out of pain. It's about being able to get to a place of being able to accept what is and focus on what I love and respect about her. To be able to offer friendship.
I don't think either one of us are entirely there yet. I can't expect it to just magically happen. And I suspect that her contact with me will be carefully limited in deference to her new R, so it may never happen. But I want to be a person who can do that.
Wii..there's another context in regard to lesbian Rs and friendships. Because our social circles tend to overlap, you'll find that there's a smattering of exes and whatnot among our friends. Seems to me that the straight folks who break-up tend not to be friends, if rarely ever. In my case, I am friends with some of my exes to this day. One could make the argument that I was never in love with any of these women so the level of detachment is a whole lot easier on that front.
Not sure if Stubborn feels the same or not. With P, it is very different since there was/is a deep level of love present. It is heartbreaking to watch P seemingly move on with another R. There's the other matter of so-called 'closure' that tends to trip us up because issues are not really resolved at all and we're left hung high and dry. Not cool.
Yes, Wonka, the closure thing is the challenge on this one. The setup where she'll see me, but only in a context where we can't talk.
I just responded saying that dinner sounds fine. She still has to let me know when she'll be here. Odds are that I'll be on the road, actually. It may be moot.
I also offered to drop her barn boots off at the place she's staying, and loan her daughter mine as I always did when she visited previously.
Now I don't have to worry about it again until October.
Got email back from P today, taking me up on the boot offer, mentioning a few more things she thinks she left behind. It just sounded like a normal conversation. I felt relieved at that. And I felt something else in my chest. Still substantial and unsettling, but less so than before. And when that subsided I just felt happy at the thought of possibly having some normal interactions with her. Because I've been able to let some things go.
It turns out that I'm likely to be out of town for most or all of her visit. Too soon to say if dinner will work out.
