She is gone and not coming back

[MrBond]

"If my 1st ex dropped dead today, I wouldnt feel anything. I seriously can not stand that woman, and all the crap she has done to me in the past right up until I finally got out from under her control when my youngest turned 18."

That's odd because this is what you wrote about your first M.

"That I also drank alot and spent too much time partying and out with buddies. I took care of my family the way I was raised, to provide for them, but wasnt mature enough, and too selfish to know much else."

Sounds like you're forgetting that it was a two way street.

And this part about your current M.

"Yes...I still drank. But I got up, went to work, and felt I did better meeting her needs than I did in the 1M. I was still going out with buddies however, and drinking. She gave me the ultimatum before our marriage in 2001 to choose drinking or her. I said her, and we married. Of course, in hind site...I didnt do it FOR ME, but to salvage the R and marriage, and began drinking again."

So it doesn't seem fair that you said.

"That we drifted apart, for whatever reason is her decision, not mine."

Unconsciously you took things for granted and THAT is how the two of you drifted apart. Indirectly it was your decisions that helped lead to that outcome. I'm not saying that your W wasn't partially at fault, but as a LBS, it is easy to let that resentment build so much that it overshadows the original reasons that got them to that point in the first place.

This is why detachment without feeling and resentment is important. And that's something that you haven't fully gotten to.

Just my opinion.