[i]I wonder why it seems that the MLCer with strong LBS like all of us, ever paired with us in the first place. It just seems like we are all so strong and willing to extend our tolerances that they may have seen this strength in us maybe knowing within themselves, they're not strong people.
What is it about us that may attract a SO like them and could/would we do it again.
This is a very good question I.am ...... we are all very strong to be able to stand through this and it would seem like our spouses have come to us quite damaged from their past--was it that strength in us they were drawn to? They knew that they just were incapable of the strength needed to survive life and clung to us to do the job for two.
Very interesting thought indeed.
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
RL You are such a candle in the dark. Bless your sweet and hopeful nature.
Dawn I have been thinking of you of late. So much happening in your sitch. I pray for your continued strength. I wonder why it seems that the MLCer with strong LBS like all of us, ever paired with us in the first place. It just seems like we are all so strong and willing to extend our tolerances that they may have seen this strength in us maybe knowing within themselves, they're not strong people.
What is it about us that may attract a SO like them and could/would we do it again. Just thinking out load here, I wonder what is it about me, looking back at old Bf's doesn't help either, it show a pattern.
I hope you good Miz, have a beautiful weekend!
I think your observation is where the co-dependent camp lives. Do we find others who are advantage-takers, or do we make others into advantage-takers? Personally I am rather introverted and prefer the shadow to the limelight - so have I been pushed into the corner or did I go of my own accord? Does being good natured and easy going bring out a monster in some? Perhaps so. I have a friend who is EXTREMELY submissive. Always apologizing for herself. Makes me crazy. AND, it makes me aware that it is so very easy to control and bully her. I have to watch myself around her, maintain a sort of control so she can come out of her shell and express herself. Now, while I don't think I am submissive to the same degree as she, I may be just enough to invite the monster out in my H. Thanks to this board and much inner reflection, I have identified some areas in my life that need tweaking. Hard habits to break, but I honestly feel I am making a bit of progress. Dawn I hope your weekend is beautiful as well
Cadet and Snodderly
You suggested a new consideration for me.
An individual came begin a mlc and somewhere in the crisis something will snatch them out of it, i.e., will delay the process.
It had to be the shut down of H's business. It was a huge calamity for him. He plummeted into such a hard depression for a few months that I worried he would harm himself. Then that passed and we fell into the pattern that held for a long time, that brought us here.
Later on, they will pick up where they left off and generally it is far worse than the first time around.
Well... yee haw.
Not sure I want to know the answer, but what exactly does this mean?
Have there been other posters in this sitch?
Thanks to you all for sharing with me
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
The second time around could be far worse than the first time around. In other words, if your mlcer was rather mild in the way of anger, the next time around he/she could be an angry soul the entire time. If your mlcer didn't spend a lot the first time around, he/she could be a really winner at spending until there's nothing left. The list could go on forever. Bottom line, there's no way to predict how they will be the next time around if they are "snatched" back to reality by something or someone.
Yes, there have been a few around, but that was a long time ago. I don't recall any in the recent years. Sorry!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
D19's in jail. There was a bench warrant for her arrest due to her failure to perform community service for a charge of attempted theft she incurred about 6 months ago. Yesterday she was stopped for expired tags, then jailed when the warrant was found. Roommate says cop expects D19 to be released Monday.
Sigh. I did, I thought, all the things I was supposed to do for D19 (and the 3 boys) when she was growing up. Stay at home mom until she was 13. Stayed married to H. Read books. Hugged. (Last time she was home I played with her hair as I passed by. "Don't touch me. You're just weird.")
Maybe I should take comfort in the fact that she expressly told roommate to contact me? Perhaps this means she isn't entirely removed?
H just left for the casino.
I work at fastfoodland later this morning. Think I'm going back to bed for now.
~ Jay
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I'm so sorry about D19. You were a great mom. This isn't your fault. Other people have choices to make. I'm so glad she reached out to you.
((((((Jay)))))
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I don't blame myself but I do wonder if there was something that could have been done differently. I think she probably needed some sort of professional intervention (prob still would benefit) because her "acting out" started at a fairly early age.
I have learned she will be in until 9-5-13. I don't have huge faith in the healing power of incarceration but perhaps she will learn from this. Its a faint hope, not an expectation.
Thanks again for stopping by.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I am sorry to read about your daughter this morning. Maybe this time while spending time in jail, she'll think about her life and what she needs to do turn it around.
You have been and continue to be a wonderful mother. Some children are just h@ll bent to do stupid things and not think about what the consequences are. Sometimes it is a cry for help and/or attention. I know you are heartbroken over this news and I do hope that she will get some much needed professional help.
I am keeping you and your family in my prayers. Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
