No, they can - but once the MLC is past, they will STILL be a serial cheater with character issues. Ah. Well that does seem most likely, I must agree. But, your earlier post said. He's not in MLC, he's a serial cheater with a character problem If I follow correctly you are saying, serial cheaters with character problems (SCWCP)can have MLC, but you have determined my H does not fall in that category?
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I guess what I'm saying is, your H's problems go WAY beyond MLC, and therefore, are unlikely to improve significantly once he "comes out of MLC" unless he gets serious help for all of his issues - which he doesn;t seem inclined to do.
So - don't wait around for the MLC to be be over - because you'll still have a guy with serious issues who is a serial cheater.
KML I guess what I'm saying is, your H's problems go WAY beyond MLC, and therefore, are unlikely to improve significantly once he "comes out of MLC" unless he gets serious help for all of his issues - which he doesn;t seem inclined to do.
So - don't wait around for the MLC to be be over - because you'll still have a guy with serious issues who is a serial cheater.
But Ellie, while J's H was a wild and crazy philanderer from 1996 to 2001 (I believe the number of EAs he reported was greatly exaggerated, as he kept changing it), he was faithful to J from then until 2012. Couldn't THAT be the real H?
Can someone go through TWO MLCs? Or maybe go into a MLC but not fully resolve the issues, and fall headlong back into the tunnel months or years later? I THINK that's what my H did when he broke up with RT a year ago, and became Picture Perfect H for 5 fabulous months. Then wandered back into the Dark Side.
Additionally, couldn't facing the life changes and issues that enable a person to escape from MLC as a whole intact improved (I would assume moral) individual, also cause that individual to see that serial cheating is wrong?
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
your H's problems go WAY beyond MLC, and therefore, are unlikely to improve significantly once he "comes out of MLC" unless he gets serious help for all of his issues - which he does't seem inclined to do.
Just stopping by to say hello Miz,
I agree with this statement for my sitch as well. MLC has been the tipping point that moved H over the edge. After all don't they say this stems from childhood issues or young life issues unresolved? There was always something about them.
I wonder why it seems that the MLCer with strong LBS like all of us, ever paired with us in the first place. It just seems like we are all so strong and willing to extend our tolerances that they may have seen this strength in us maybe knowing within themselves, they're not strong people.
What is it about us that may attract a SO like them and could/would we do it again. Just thinking out load here, I wonder what is it about me, looking back at old Bf's doesn't help either, it show a pattern.
I hope you good Miz, have a beautiful weekend!
best dm
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
Can someone go through TWO MLCs? Or maybe go into a MLC but not fully resolve the issues, and fall headlong back into the tunnel months or years later?
I think that in this case it is all part of the same MLC. The first one was never resolved and the cycle continued.
We need to learn our lessons too. If we continue with the same bad habits the likely hood is that we will get run over by our MLC'er and the issues will never be resolved.
Cadet is absolutely correct. An individual came begin a mlc and somewhere in the crisis something will snatch them out of it, i.e., will delay the process. Sometimes, it is a death, a health issue w/that individual or w/the spouse, child leaving home, but it is something that interrupts the process. Later on, they will pick up where they left off and generally it is far worse than the first time around. This is one of the reasons that we caution posters about trying to rush the process and/or try to shock them out of the crisis. The best thing that any of us can do is to allow them cruise through their crisis on their on, in their own time. It is far, far better that way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
