Wife said she was done! House sold, Moving forward

[Maritimer]

I am feeling very lonely lately. Not much action on my thread and days go by without a phone call or text from anyone. I really miss my family. I still cant believe that I am now kicked out of it. I had so many hopes and dreams with raising a nuclear family and felt I really had it all. It made me feel complete.

There is now a emptiness and I am scared that I will fill it with my old friend booze and pot. If that happens I can really see my life regressing in a real negative way. I am doing my best not to give in to the demons but they are now calling.

This is a hard way to live. When does it get better?

[Positivespin]

Why are you scared? Dont do it and address why your dependent?

My mother had a old school Gastric bypass- The one where they cut your got open. Today they require a psych eval before they do it- back then they didnt.

So she couldnt eat. But her emotional problems needed to be pacified somehow so she moved to cigeretts, a pack a day, after two years she had to quit. so she shoved the food in- stretched out her gut and gained all her weight back.

So why do you do it? You were doing it in your R so it wasnt fixed. Its not loneliness. If it was you wouldnt have done it in your R- you obviously werent complete

Whats the trigger?

[AnotherStander]

I am feeling very lonely lately.

We all have those days. When I do, I combat it by making myself busy. Do something in the yard, take one of my R/C planes out to fly, detail one of the motorcycles. Do something you love!

I had so many hopes and dreams with raising a nuclear family and felt I really had it all. It made me feel complete.

We talk about codependence like it's something evil, but it's normal and natural for there to be codependence in a marriage. The whole concept is that two are made one, you can't get much more codependent than that! It's a struggle when you separate to find your independence again. We are creatures of pattern and habit and we long to go back to the "old way" of things. You just have to redefine that though, you need to find your "new normal". At first on the weeks I didn't have my kids I felt more lonely than I ever have in my life. But slowly, I started taking advantage of that alone time to do things I never had the time for before. Now it's my "new normal". During those weeks I'm very much like the guy I was before I was married. Independent, content, doing what I want whether that's working out, messing with one of my hobbies or just sitting in a recliner reading. The flip side is when I do have my kids, I treasure the time with them even more and make quality time out of it. Before they were around all the time, so there was always an excuse to do stuff later. Not anymore!

This is a hard way to live. When does it get better?

Everyone is on a different timeline. Just be patient with yourself and try to stay busy, you'll get there

[Maritimer]

I now believe it comes down to a self-esteem issue. My father passed away when I was 15 and a year later my mother moved away leaving me by myself throughout the last year of high school. I felt abandoned. Where I grew up every social event was accompanied with booze and drugs. I was accepted and it gave me confidence. I was not good at sports nor did I have much money to do any extracurricular activities.

I now feel the same way as my wife left me and took the kids. Abandoned.

The fun things I do…I jog every second day, along with different exercises. I go out on my motorcycle every now and then. Walk my dog (Who is awesome by the way!)

The things I do to improve myself are trying to eat healthier, exercise more, reading self-help books. Just being a happier person for myself, my children and family.

My goals are to become a healthy, confident individual who is a great role model for my 2 wonderful boys. I lost 50 pounds so far and am struggling to lose another 20.

“The gift of time”… I really need to take advantage of this opportunity to make myself into the best person I can be… Still trying to figure out who that is.

Amazing how a few hours ago I felt like crap and now I am newly inspired to grab life by the horns!

Thanks for getting me on track again!!

[AnotherStander]

There you go, that is an awesome and inspiring post!! Way to turn it around!

[Positivespin]

I assuming you didnt tell your T about the booze and P


(Please do not take me the wrong way- I am in no way assuming you are a all out HD user- you just need to ID why you use the crutch........even occasionally)

Ever think about finding a new T to work on the esteem issues?

So what is your weight goal? where are you now and where will you be in a mth?

How about a set goal for exercise 3x a week, every other day?

Self help is good BUT enjoyable books are important too....Lord knows youll be doing enough self help on your journey

[Positivespin]

One more goal- Get a journal.....every day with the date and time of every entry

Become a journaling fool

[Positivespin]

Hope I didn't scare you away that fast

[Maritimer]

Ha Ha , not scared but decided to take a internet hiatus for a few weeks. It actually made me feel better. I believe that information overload gets the hamster wheel in your head moving to fast. I swore off FB as I found it to be more of a brag book on how good people portray there lives to be.

I did start to start a hand written journal and discovered my handwriting is terrible and spelling is atrocious! If it wasn't for spell check I would seem like am not that intelligent. Need to improve on this skill.

Still curious if what I am doing is whats best for any chance of reuniting with my wife. It really seems (mindreading) that she is content with how things are going. She never starts a conversation just 1 word replys. We only text, never phone calls. I do miss the interesting conversations I use to have with her. I really miss being around a woman...there soft and they smell nice.

Adult learn how to swim classes is starting in September so I will be looking forward to joining that. I need to use this give of time to be the most productive I can be.

My goal weight would be 170. I peaked at 236 and am now at 188. A few pounds creeped up on me again so I need to become more disciplined on focusing with that goal. More cycling, jogging and not buying potato chips... my weakness!

I am a good father and I will continue to do so.

My main goal is for me to buy a house next spring that is near the W, that is close to daycare, her place, and their future school. Somewhere I can have the kids overnight with a fenced in yard and a big basement for us to play with. Maybe then it would be less of a problem with me having them overnight.

Doing my best holding on to this roller coaster ride were all on!

[adinva]

You're awesome!