Basically, she told him that she wants to marry him, that he is the love of her love and that she is scared. She also told him that she might be pregnant.
Wow, sorry to hear of this latest development!!
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Secondly, I am going to hire a PI to gather evidence of the affair. I hate doing this but I have to protect my daughter and myself.
Check with the lawyer first. Many states are "no fault" divorce states now which means that the court does not consider evidence of an affair. If the state you live in is "no fault" then you'll just be wasting money on the PI.
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At this point, all I am thinking about is my daughter and how I can protect her. I am afraid but have to stay strong for her. Any advice here?
Yes, first, remember your D loves BOTH of you. Protecting your D does NOT mean keeping her from your W. I'm sure you don't like the idea of D being around OM, but you shouldn't try to keep your D from your W. Also, constantly emphasize to your D that the sitch has nothing to do with her, that both of you love her very much (yes, DO tell her that your W loves her too). Kids have a tendency to blame themselves for things like this even if they don't say it out loud. I remember my S10 (9 at the time) saying through tears that it was his fault W left because he did something to make her mad (and he mentioned something from like a year before). It broke my heart. After that I reaffirmed to him on at least a weekly basis that we both loved him very much and would both always be there for him and that our sitch had nothing to do with him or his sisters.
It's easy to put our kids on the backburner because we are suffering so much and we're just trying to salvage ourselves from the wreckage, but they are quietly suffering too.
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Should I go completely dark in the meantime or just continue to do my 180s?
Both. 180's are about making yourself a better person. Going dark is about removing yourself from your W's storm.
