I'm starting to feel like the affair is a deal breaker. The longer it goes on, the more I would feel like 2nd choice and like I was lacking self respect if I took him back.
Well that's your choice to make, but deciding to stand or not stand is no reflection on your respect of yourself or anyone else's respect for you. Marriages survive affairs all the time, I know of a few and I'm sure you do too. Personally I have MORE respect for those who worked hard to rebuild their M when their partner was doing everything to tear it apart.
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Do I really think so little of myself that I would wait a year or more for his affair to die? Why is that OK?
Personally when I see the word "wait" or "limbo" it's a red flag to me that the DB'ing message is not fully getting through. Waiting or limbo both mean the same thing, you're stuck in one spot, making no progress, waiting for circumstances beyond your control to change your sitch. DB'ing is about moving forward with your life, making changes to yourself, making yourself into a great person- a spouse only a fool would leave. It's about getting out and getting a life WITHOUT your spouse. The DB'ing idea is to restore the M, but it's done by growing and changing, not by sitting around waiting. When people see you growing, pursuing your dream hobbies and activities, making new friends, looking better and healthier while they see your husband actively engaging in an affair, well you can imagine who they are going to have respect for and who they will think is a fool.
