I won't ever deny the feelings I'm having. I cherish every single one of them. The pain and heartache isn't pleasant but I know that I am growing and learning from it as well. I'm sorry that your children do have to go through this, but the silver lining is that they have held you together to try again. That is a true blessing.
I just feel like everything I was working so hard towards was all for nothing. I loved her so much and I just wish that I had the opportunity to try again, to show her how much better I can be - we can be. I know I could look past anything and focus on the new R and our future rather than the past, but I also know I cannot do this w/o her and I cannot contact her.
I'm also realizing that from all of this I don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm starting to question everything but in a good way. It would be nice if she was here, but even without her I know I'm finding a new path. This I can tell will lead to major changes in every aspect of my life. I need to think more on everything and reflect on the choices before me. Sad to say that this evolution is so painful, so terrifying, and yet I can't remember the last time I have been this excited, happy or alive. I know I did have many moments of this with her, but not overall about life. Strange.
I thank you and Sandi for your support and kind words. I'll continue to love my W from a distance and allow fate to decide my path. My prayers are with you.
together 7+yrs Married 3 Me 33 W 33 no kids BD 9/12 MC 9/12 W leaves MC 10/12 W moves out 11/12 Divorce 2/13 W moves 5/13 NC 05/13 D final 8/13
