Hoper continues..

[hoper]

Update..

We spend the entire day together on his birthday..go on a long drive to a nearby resort..get up early in the morning to gether..visit a place of worship closeby..
then go with S for a swim..chat spend the day like a normal family..
he wears the shirt i got him..admires the card..

the secrets continue.. says he has to go out of town for an interview..gives me details about the job without me asking..
does not explain why he will have to spend a overnight..

i just wish him luck and leave it at that..

i feel strong but then the doubts do surface ..the extent of his lies tell me how weak he feels as a person that he needs to cover up so many of his actions..his actions now hurt less..

Strangely , i am getting used to this limbo land..where the world is perfect in the eyes of my child..though i feel i can handle it i am not sure i can explain anything of this to s..

so it tells me that i am here mostly because of s and not because i have faith that he is going to commit fully to this marraige which is really not such a great thing..

life is busy..s makes it so beautiful that some days i dont even remember the pain ..

Going off topic here.. the other day s who kinda knows he is adopted tells me his stomach hurts and that maybe there is a baby in his stomach.. i laugh and tell him thats not possible , only girls ( he calls the entire female race girls) can have them..then he remembers the story i told him that as i could not carry one in mine i had to pray hard to God.. And then God thought long and hard as S being a very special baby and had to make sure he goes to people who deserve such a sweet one..

The next question he asks me did i go up to heaven to get him then !!!