Some latest developments and my thoughts. This week has tested my inner strength and my faith in God. It has remind me that prevention is the best policy but despite our mistakes, we are only responsibility for our actions and no one else. This means I cannot control or make another person love me no matter how bad I miss or love that person.
My wife or soon to be ex wife as I am now beginning to have to accept, was on the phone today talking to OM and did not realize I had come home from work. Basically, she told him that she wants to marry him, that he is the love of her love and that she is scared. She also told him that she might be pregnant. I listened for a little while and then slipped outside before she realized that I had heard.
At this point everything I do must be to protect my daughter and myself. Saving my marriage is no longer a priority (although true DBing is about saving yourself). I am afraid my wife is so deep in the fog and brainwashed with this guy that I anticipate her getting nasty in the next few weeks if she really is pregnant. If she is not, that is better but I feel I must now take precautions. First, I am going to speak to a lawyer to get legal advice regarding custody, the house, etc. Secondly, I am going to hire a PI to gather evidence of the affair. I hate doing this but I have to protect my daughter and myself. My daughter is going to be devastated and that is what hurts the most. I don't care if my wife wants to hurt me but to have my daughters dreams crushed hurts more than words can say. She was so happy the day my wife and I got remarried and for this to happen now is nothing more than tragedy.
I have to assume the marriage is dead. I want it to survive and I am willing to work reconciliation even if she is pregnant, but I do not expect her having a change of heart. She is hurting, she is scared and she is lost. This OM is telling her everything she wants to hear and she is buying it.
My action plan is to gather evidence from PI and speak to an attorney while still pretending I don't know anything around my wife. After enough evidence has been gather, I am going to write my wife a letter telling her that I love her and that I know of the affair without getting specific. I will tell her that she will either have to quit her job and leave the OM or I will get a divorce. I will tell her that I love her and that I want to make our marriage work but that I cannot tolerate this.
At this point, all I am thinking about is my daughter and how I can protect her. I am afraid but have to stay strong for her. Any advice here? Should I go completely dark in the meantime or just continue to do my 180s? I want to save my marriage but I feel like things have just gotten desperate and I want to protect my daughter above else. She is already crying to me at night how she misses her mom and how her mom doesn't spend time with her anymore.
