Dropping the Rope

[littleGTO]

VERY INTERESTING CONVERSATION WITH H TODAY...

He came to house and we talked--he was very depressed (and has been). He did 95% of the talking.

Some things he said...
- He doesn't know what to do moving forward (huh??? we have an 2nd apptmt w new mediator on Tuesday --haven't filed any papers yet, though)
- Said he wished someone would make a decision for him.
- Said things aren't likely to work out w OW (didn't elaborate and I didn't ask)
- Said he missed family life.
- Said boys seem to be doing well and I am doing an amazing job with them.
- Said he doesn't know how he'll ever get over feelings (for OW)
- Said maybe we should just continue through life like neighbors who lived separate lives but in same house...for the kids & for financial reasons
- He cried.
- I listened A LOT & held my tongue A LOT.

I said..
- Sorry you are having such a difficult time.
- Said it is difficult to understand each other's perspectives but that I do understand his struggle.
- That I deserve someone who wants to be with me and wants to do life with me and loves me.
- That I will not be Plan B for anyone.
- That I will not live w him in the same house in a loveless M.
- That I will not model a "fake M" for our children.
- That I think children have already been through the worst--his moving out.

I didn't really know how to respond to most of what he was saying so I just tried to be a good listener. I mostly just wanted him to leave so I could move on with my day. I know- cold of me, but I truly was irritated by his "I don't know how I'll even get over feelings for OW comment."

When he cried I really didn't feel too sorry for him...just a little unaffected...like he created this, so now he needs to figure out his own way forward.

INTERESTING.... don't know what will happen in the next week, month, but I will continue to move on with my own life. Not really sure if I would even consider R with him at this point. He would have to really jump through a lot of hoops through a very long time.

And, in the meantime I am looking forward to continuing to GAL with new friends, start a new job in a week and a half, and maybe see cute D'ed guy.

THOUGHTS????