let's start at the end, shall we?

[KindaHappy1]

Alright,
I went and saw the Psychiatrist today and will be starting some wellbutrin tomorrow. He said it should help me be a bit more decisive and should help me not be so "bleh" he also had me schedule with a therapist in his group. I'm feeling like I am making progress in GAL, but it also feels like I am moving towards letting go of my W. Maybe this is what the beginning of detachment feel like? It is somethng I know I need to do if I am going to stay sane and be healthy, which are both pretty high on my list of needs.

I did have some interaction with the W. She went to the doc too and is starting some new meds herself. We had talked about me hanging out with the boys while she met with a friend, but she kept changing plans and it was never concrete. When we talked, she said that the boys were going to their martial arts class if I would be willing to reschedule with them for Saturday or Sunday instead. I told her that was fine and that I would be stopping by the house and that I could always drive the boys to class.

When I got to the house, the boys told me that they were going to go to a later class, and I didn't want to linger around the house and be there when my W got home, and I didn't want to call her to ask when she would be home, because I had already seen her there Tuesday, then again yesterday for our anniversary dinner. We ended that night in a bit of a tiff when she told me that her therapist told her that since we are separated, we shouldn't be seeing each other so much.

She said it like I should have known, even though it was the first she had mentioned it. Well, back to tonight, apparently my youngest didn't go to class, so my W called me asking if I drove the other or not. I explained that they were going to a later class and I didn't want to beat the house in case she came home. She said I should have let her know I wan't going to drive them and I started arguing, but then caught myself and said that she was right, I should have communicated. After we hug up, i texed her telling her how bad I felt and that I messed up and I was sorry. I assured her that I would always let her know of any change in plans and she texted back that she was thankful and appreciated that and promised to give me the same respect if plans ever change on her end.

I texted back thanking her and telling her that I enjoy communicating with her clearly.

I went back to reread DR and I know I need to focus on my goal setting and to keep thinking small. I keep letting myself get too built up and then I feel the drop when things aren't what I hoped. I know detachment and goal setting will help me more than what I've been doing.