I was stunned. He's had a bit to do with XH, face-to-face as XH has no legal representation and is keen to interact with my lawyer.
It's the first time anyone has said what I've thought for a long time. There is something seriously wrong with him, but so far, I've been the only one to notice.
Lawyer also said he believes XH will never do anything - by way of agreeing to any negotiated settlement - because he WILL NOT allow me "to win".
I suppose I am going to accept my lawyer's view that there is no point in trying to get xh to agree to a settlement, and proceed to trial.
Very expensive and somewhat risky in that decision is purely in judge's hands... XH has opted out of the process and so the trial will be undefended.
Lawyer says this is most unusual.
Having opted out, after starting the proceedings himself, XH is furious that i am continuing with court action.
I feel that he might do anything between now and trial date - he is so unpredictable.
I suspect he will get back on his path to destruction as soon as he returns from his luxury trip to Venice and sailing in the Med.
Seeing a barrister soon to brief her. Looking forward to her advice, as she is supposed to be very good.
I have to gather sufficient evidence to support my case without any documents from XH - who has held control of all family finances throughout our marriage. He withdrew from proceedings when judge ordered him to provide his financials. Big task ahead of me.
AS, I'm covered re this (debit) account - the details just keep popping up on my record.
Excellent, that's a relief to hear! My W had a bank account that was through the same bank as my CC and because both accounts had the same mailing address they linked "alerts" to both accounts. After she moved out I was getting overdraft alerts weekly. I never said anything to her, just marveled at how frequently she was overdrawn. Sounds like something similar with you, you see the alerts but it's not dinging you personally.
Quote:
I googled, and it's a luxury lingerie shop. He spent $200 there.
He is seriously THE posterboy for MLC!!!!
Quote:
You couldn't write this stuff as a work of fiction and get away with so many cliches.
Couldn't agree with you more, it's surreal!
Originally Posted By: NLW
I suppose I am going to accept my lawyer's view that there is no point in trying to get xh to agree to a settlement, and proceed to trial.
I'm glad you're proceeding, obviously we're very pro-marriage here but you are one of the rare cases that the potential damage is so great that it really looks like divorcing is the best way to protect yourself and the kids for now. He was a LONG road to recovery ahead and he has not even taken the first step down that road. Who knows what the future holds, he may make that journey and years from now emerge a better person looking to reconcile. We can hope. But for now, you've got to protect yourself!
Quote:
XH has opted out of the process and so the trial will be undefended.
You're kidding! He won't negotiate with you, but he's not going to defend himself either? He is definitely on the crazy-train, he may be the engineer!
Thanks, AS. I really appreciate your support. He's not just the engineer, he built the carriages and laid the tracks.
I know I shouldn't be bothered, but the PATTERNING in this weird state of mlc constantly amazes me.
XH is currently traveling around the adriatic with OW - he didn't tell me or the kids he was even leaving the country - and he is visiting all the places I travelled to before I met him.
Last year, at this time, he did the same - only then he sailed around Turkey on the same private yacht.
I always waxed lyrical to him about these destinations: Istanbul, Dubrovnik, Greek Islands, Venice.
So he now he's ticking them off, one after the other, like clockwork.
Probably just me, but I find more and more that NOTHING on this ride is accidental.
In hindsight, I can even see his recent, out-of-nowhere questioning of me about whether I had any travel planned - like, yeah, I'll use beads to barter a plane fare! - as pure projection.
Within days of asking me, he had left the country, without telling us, to go on a luxury private yacht trip around Venice and the Adriatic coast.
His MO for spending, while away, is interesting.
He is down to a debit card which he replenishes with $500 every 2 weeks or so. He spends amounts of around $200 at a time, buying lingerie for OW or paying for occasional restaurant meals.
Just often enough to make it seem like he has money.
She must pay for the rest.
In reality, he's usually down to just over $100 on his debit card. I see all the transactions online on an old shared account he is using.
Mixing it with the multi-millionaire yachties in ports like Hvar and Korcula on the back of one very slim wallet and a gullible enabler.
It's like a movie. In fact so close to the 'She Devil' plot that it scares me/makes me feel mad (as in insane).
I was upset about H spending $3500 on a ring for OW until I realized that is the amount (or less) that he borrowed from her for lawyer and GAL fees. So it's basically reimbursement. And it's on credit none the less. She has ready paid for her own ring.
Such con artists. It's appalling.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I see all the transactions online on an old shared account he is using.
Realllyyyy!?!? I'd talk to my lawyer and see if it's legal for you to get some of your money out of a shared account. I would not do it without the lawyer saying it's okay...
Really take care of yourself NLW and that means nailing his wee willy winky to the wall if that's what it takes to provide for your children. I hope your taking the time to love and care for yourself.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
I think it's all fine with the account - there was $0 in it and he just started running it as a debit card, with a float of $500 at a time. Makes it look as if he has a credit card - his own are maxxed out and he can't get another one with his credit history.
Trying to take care of me and the kids, but knowing he is luxuriating on a yacht while we sit here in the cold of winter without heating in our house makes it hard.
D17 has a bad case of acne and has been prescribed Roaccutane. I'm worried about the depression aspects and I also don't know how we would pay fort as it seems expensive and long-term.
Sorry for the abrupt end to the last post - had to run off to get the kids to school on time.
I was going to ask if anyone had any experience with Roaccutane/Accutane as a treatment for acne.
I am loathe to put D17 on it, but am worried that she will develop facial scarring if we let things go on. She has tried 2 different types of antibiotic and various prescription gels without any success.
I am really worried about it as a treatment given that it causes birth defects in pregnant women - surely it can't be safe if it does this?
Don't want to turn this into a full-on medical discussion, but I miss having someone to talk these sorts of decisions through with.
He is seriously THE posterboy for MLC!!!!