I feel the alone you must feel, every night this week I have been home alone and I don't like it much. I went from a house filled w/4 kids, their friends, an H filled w L and hugs, dinner, ball games to get to, and family movie night, to this junk.
I am grateful for my kids still home and they do a great job of spending time w/me when they can, but it's not they way it was suppose to be. I should be enjoying this time securing a new journey for H and me.
We need to secure new lives for ourselves still, but now as who we are today with all this junk under our belts to carry around and w/o the men we loved.
I have spent 44, 45, and now my 46th year of age dealing with this and I can only feel like it is such a waist of my time. I need to go live, love, laugh, and enjoy this gift of life.
They are crap companions, and losers, and I for one don't know what I would get out of living out my life with him, and I don't want to find out.
This simple fact that we are struggling to find ourselves again tells me that we are on the right track. We're not that lost, we just have to learn to not want what we want anymore, accept that it's gone, and we will resurface.
We have to find ourselves again! I'm actually ok that h is gone, I like having my house to myself, I hate waiting for the other shoe to drop and he comes back. I say one or the other, that's why I say move out, for me!
NEro, when do you go back to NJ, school starts in a few weeks, you said your looking forward to working. I want to give you my contact but not sure how, don't want to break rules. Think about FB, use your name Nero, just even long enough to get in contact, then you can delete it if your uncomfortable.
I am already thinking it's going to be a long winter...because I will be without a SO, it just feels sad. So I need to do something, reach out, work, make friends, like you do.
Linda, innocent is that blind rose colored glasses way we enjoyed our R, it's not at all stupid to be sad for it's loss. Who wants to be in a R where your always wondering or on guard? Not us!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
