We won 2-0. I had a good game. Legs worked OK. After the game I hung out with the team and drank some beers. The field is about 40 minutes from our house.
Driving home I passsed the bar where I met my wife. I stopped in and had another drink. 15 years ago the place used to be hopping. There were only about 10 people there.
When I was done with my beer, I asked a lady if she knew how to 2-step. I have not danced in 13 years, but I did OK. After the dance I went home.
I asked a lady if she knew how to 2-step. I have not danced in 13 years, but I did OK. After the dance I went home.
Rock this is all so important in the process of rebuilding you for the next phase of your life. Its all about making contacts, meeting people and projecting a positive aura. I know feels difficult leaving the old you behind, the one that was married to W, but that’s what you have to do now, that’s what I’m trying to do.
I now make a point of saying hello to people I wouldn’t normally do and I try to keep a smile on my face all the time, I still hurt inside, but I’m smiling. When I get a negative thought or image of W I counter it with a positive thought of my future.
My positive thinking CD’s have told me I focused too much on W in the past so that’s what I got (W a very negative person). I’m now focusing on positive and happy things, so that’s what I will get for the future.
I’m also focusing on a speedy, amicable D, so that’s what I will get.
Went perch fishing with my Dad this morning. We caught 21 perch and about 3X as many silver bass and sheephead. I am not sure why I don't just say I am going Sheephead fishing. It seems to be what I usually catch.
Well gee, it sounds as if one thing is cheaper for you, FRESH FISH and yes I am jealous!
Okay so, You want to make the home a place you want to be...and that your daughters want to be as well.
Maybe the oldest can get her driver's license soon? As fearful as I was/am when a child begins driving, I have to admit it's darn convenient too.
I have a surgery coming on my right knee and h may be out on assignment for part of my recovery time. Driving will be impossible for some weeks. So, It'll be my youngest, the 16 y/o who goes to the store for me.
I do think you are luckier than most in that you actually will have disposable income AND the support you pay is temporary.
If you don't want to keep the house, then down size. But I agree that the less change in your d's lives, the better.
Before you make a long face to the girls implying that life will stink since mom left, because the tone of your post suggests that instead, strengthen them with hope. Maybe you were only venting here, which is FINE. But be careful what you share with them. Don't point out every inconvenience. Let them learn to love eggs, they're cheap and healthy.
I posted a long post on your last thread just before you closed it (it got posted last).
Please read it. Someone named "Dustmeoff..." suggested you SHOULD show how hurt you are or your kids won't know you care.
If you were a cold fish husband, never showing affection and never complimenting or flirting, then I'd say for sure you ought to show EFFORT at reconciliation. But I see no advantage to showing all the pain you feel, to the only people in the world who may well feel WORSE...and they may take on the responsibility of YOUR pain, and if they fail to "cure you" by making you happy, that makes them feel all the worse.
Besides, They KNOW how you feel.
Your wife knows...now it's time to show thst life goes on, that your pain was deep but not eternal, nor fatal.
And to show how very important your daughters are to you. More important than your pain.
They can't lose both parents. She seems to be choosing OM over them, or at least to them that is how it must feel.
And you can;'t make them think that mom left b/c you were always a downer, which MAY happen if you openly wallow.
So be more optimistic and adaptable and teach them that too.
Let them each choose a dinner to make one night a week or twice a month. Then teach them how to cook it once or twice and THEN let them cook it. Praise the heck out of those meals and show them that all four of you can enjoy a meal that cost $10-20 and eat healthy. NOT BAD.
Let each of them, or take a vote, (depending on time) choose which film to rent (Netflix is an excellent deal for instant streaming especially, and you can exercise parental controls)
and make popcorn and home made pizza and enjoy that. That's a "night out" (but inside)
Even if you "splurge" and get some soda for them, and for you, a few beers, then a fun Friday night with some or all of your girls will NOT be expensive.
The upside is that soon less tension will occur, your long term financial future is great, your short term future is about protecting and nourishing your daughters, which is not a "dig in the ditch nightmare", and I really like that you see your parenting as needing to be more. Good, brave insight.
A lot of LBSers refuse ANY self reflection, when they are hurt. But you're better than that.
Good for you.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25Years - Great to hear from you. I am sorry my posts sound so down. Like a lot of people, this is a place for me to vent, so you tend to see more negative emotion than positive.
I am grieving the death of my marriage, am anxious about my finances looking forward, and am still leary of the divorce process. I do, however, see a light at the end of the tunnel and am looking forward.
I read you're final post on my last thread. I would like to correct one thing you said. The message I sent out on FB was a private message, not a public post. It was not seen by my kids. I do not badmouth my W to them, and I try not to involve them in what is going on. The only time time I discuss this with them at all is when my W includes them in activities with OM.
I did not take "Dustmeoffs" advice, though I am not as critical of it as you, and can see where hiding all emotion from your kids could be a bad thing. I just tend to lean the other way and show too much emotion/pain.
Mostly, I am just impatient to move on with my life. I would like a final D agreement signed. I would like my W to move out. I would like to move forward into the next stage of my life. I think these are normal feeliings for someone ending a marriage. Patience......
One other correction. If you think that fresh caught fish is "Cheaper" than store bought, then you just don't understand fishing. Boats, gas, bait, and tackle all add up. It is probably the most expensive food you will ever eat. My D's will eat fish, but they both turned me down when I asked them if they wanted to go fishing. They prefer tubing when out on the lake (which is even more expensive).
Wife is gone on vacation all week (seeing OM in Haiti, told me and the kids that she is going to Florida for business), so I get some more practice at being a single dad. I WILL be a better parent, and my kids WILL know that they are loved.
There is a lot of negative related to the failure of my marriage. But, one of the positives is that I have had to emotionally lean on friends and family more than I ever have before. My relationships outside my marriage have never been deeper or stronger.
My Dad is 70. My brother, dad and I bought a fishing boat together about 4 years ago. In the prior 3 years, I think we went out a total of 4 times? It seems like life was just to busy to spend time fishing with my dad.
This summer, I have been out with him 6-8 times. I am closer to my dad than I have ever been. I can say the same thing about my MIL, Sister, friends from church, aunts, uncles, etc... People have reached out to me and shown me tremendous love.
Fishing is about spending time with my Dad, not about fish. Which is a good thing, because I am not a very good fisherman.
25Years - Great to hear from you. I am sorry my posts sound so down. Like a lot of people, this is a place for me to vent, so you tend to see more negative emotion than positive.
I am grieving the death of my marriage, am anxious about my finances looking forward, and am still leary of the divorce process. I do, however, see a light at the end of the tunnel and am looking forward. THIS ^^ ALL MAKES SENSE...
I read you're final post on my last thread. I would like to correct one thing you said. The message I sent out on FB was a private message, not a public post. It was not seen by my kids. I do not badmouth my W to them, and I try not to involve them in what is going on. The only time time I discuss this with them at all is when my W includes them in activities with OM.
I did not take "Dustmeoffs" advice, though I am not as critical of it as you, and can see where hiding all emotion from your kids could be a bad thing. I just tend to lean the other way and show too much emotion/pain. I did not suggest you HIDE your emotions. In fact I made a point that you ought not to lie about how you feel, just don't make it their problem. I really think many parents do this without knowing it...
Mostly, I am just impatient to move on with my life. I would like a final D agreement signed. I would like my W to move out. I would like to move forward into the next stage of my life. I think these are normal feeliings for someone ending a marriage. Patience......
YES. We often wish we had "fast forward" buttons we could push.
One other correction. If you think that fresh caught fish is "Cheaper" than store bought, then you just don't understand fishing. Boats, gas, bait, and tackle all add up.
I understand fishing quite well. But I am used to it in Alaska...the pay offs were obviously bigger. Two days of fishing yielded us a year of fish if it was salmon or halibut.
They were healthier and fresher and better tasting than anything I ever bought in a store. We could use a boat or fish from the shore or dip net once a year.
I assume you have other reasons for owning the boat
and you do.
IN fact you say later on that the boat has been the source of great interaction with your siblings and dad, and your girls.
It is probably the most expensive food you will ever eat.
My D's will eat fish, but they both turned me down when I asked them if they wanted to go fishing. They prefer tubing when out on the lake (which is even more expensive).
Man Rock, you sure can get negative from what I see as a huge positive. It's like a negative vortex gift you have..I just went tubing down a river. Didn't cost a thing. Got some bruises but it was worth it.
So I guess you are now saying, pulling the girls on a tube is "even more expensive" than fishing (???) because of what...the fuel? Can't be the tubes...well, Geez, sell the boat then...or enjoy it. Your choice.
I don't mean to sound harsh, b/c like you said, you vent here.
But some venting is NOT helpful. It only helps if you are MORE at peace afterwards....
otherwise, the "venting" is a euphemism for bitter pity parties or just us spiraling negatively,
and Venting can keep us stuck, or make us spiral negatively...and I feel as if you are doing that at the moment. Just be cognizant of that.
Try to catch yourself so you don't become a gray cloud. Besides, the more you do the negative attitude thing, the happier your w will be, with her choice to be gone.
The more you contrast her negatives of you, the better. Especially if it helps to create some second thoughts in her.
And way more importantly, it helps YOU be happier and it shows the girls a PMA about life.
Yes, sure, there are trade offs in life. If you think the boat is a negative vortex for you, get out of it.
But stop making it an "ordeal" for you. Sell it, or enjoy it.
Wife is gone on vacation all week (seeing OM in Haiti, told me and the kids that she is going to Florida for business), so I get some more practice at being a single dad. I WILL be a better parent, and my kids WILL know that they are loved.
The Latin phrase that means "from bad, can come good" again comes to mind. These are the gifts that change has brought you. Along with the improved r's in your life apart from w's. So be grateful for that, okay?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
