So my wife told me on Mothers Day she no longer wanted to be married. The entire story is in another post that never got updated.
So for the past few days she has decided that the current living arrangements are not working. I refused to give up the bedroom since she is the one that doesn't want to sleep with me, she has been sleeping on the couch. She wants us to basically separate, but has given me choices on how I think I want to do it. She thinks I could move in with my parents, which I could, she thinks either of us could go get an apartment, which we could, or what she is now leaning towards is taking turns at the house for 2 or 3 days at a time and the other one staying with friends or family when they are 'out'.
A lot of this stems from my youngest daughter the other night answering my middle daughter when she asked where mom was (because she has been gone A LOT the past couple months). My youngest said, "I think she is out looking for a new family because she doesn't love us anymore." Needless to say, I was heart broken when I heard that.
She doesn't want to get an apartment because she thinks it doesn't make financial sense right now with everything going on. Signing a lease, having to get furniture, etc. She gets upset when I say that the entire divorce doesn't make financial sense.
I don't think I should go to my parents because I'm not the one that wants to separate or divorce. My thoughts are that I tell her I'm not leaving and I'm not switching out every couple days either. She is the first to tell me to 'grow up' when we discuss the topic, well I think she needs to 'grow up' and either get an apartment or stay in the same house.
I want to do what is best for my kids though, am I putting my thoughts and feelings ahead of theirs? Really interested in others opinions.
Basically you're doing good by standing your ground as far as not leaving the bed. If financially possible, you should also refuse to leave your home. Taking turns in the home is absurd. Tell your W if she wants to leave then you're not going to stand in her way, but you are not leaving and you're not going to accept part-time access to the home. There are a few reasons to do this. 1- it's very inconvenient having to pick up and move. The WAS should suffer the inconvenience since they are the one that wants to break the M up. 2- if there are kids, they see the current house as their home. They do not want to be displaced. Whichever parent stays home gets an automatic advantage as the kids will be drawn to staying there. 3- it's a good opportunity for the LBS to show some strength, to demonstrate to the WAS that they are not going to roll over and let the WAS totally ransack their life.
Read Dobson's Love Must Be Tough, it offers some good pointers on "opening the cage door" to the WAS while still being firm with them.
