Guess I belong here now...

[brobafet]

Sweet, might be a 2x4 for you, but I'm no expert, I'm in the same boat though.

"I think one of my problems is that I keep looking for some sort of big sign about what I'm supposed to do/think. While that would be nice, I may never get that"

I think holding on to hope is going to make you focus on him, his actions, and his words. Expecting anything from him is a losing battle. I know it is tough but don't. Have you gone NC?

It sounds like to me he is there when he needs something but not when there is nothing to be gained. It is damaging to you.

My stbx is the same way. She has no desire to talk to me, to be around me, unless there is something she needs. It [censored], I feel a stab in my heart each time I see her or even get a text from her.

"Brobafet, I'm sorry that you have to deal with your w cheating on your for two years. My xh didn't do anything until he decided to "separate". So I still think it was cheating because we weren't divorced, but he doesn't think that way. agree to disagree i guess."

It was more than two years, it started in 2005. Her excuse was I was angry and hard to talk to. She never tried, not until I found the My Space and emails from her. She also said that it wasn't cheating because we were separated, she also said that she didn't believe in God, or our vows, yes I continually tried to speak to her spiritual side, also reminding her of the good things about our M, a no no when you are DBing. Well we weren't separated with the first two, With #3 we were separated. Then I had a one night stand in Las Vegas, I can't justify it. It was wrong. She never showed remorse. She gave this attitude that I should drop it and move on, we werent allowed to talk about it. Then there was abuse from her, physically harming me. Not that cheating isn't abuse.

Listen sweet, you need, I need to start focusing on ourselves. We say we are but we are not. Your letting your x continue to control the situation. The part where you said he is ditching you once again. I'm sure this did nothing but boost his ego. You said "He says he'll be jealous when I start dating other people" Uhhh duh dude, your not giving him any focus if you have someone else lined up. This will kill his ego. He'll no longer get that little boost from talking to you any more, or getting to go to a bar/restaurant you and him loved to go to, saying something that may push a button, and cause you to say something that will only serve his ego.

Take care of you, Go NC, see how that does. I'm sorry this is tough, but you have God, you have DB.com you don't need him. If he comes back and is willing to work on your relationship and not talk about all the women that are lined up because he now has a mask on, a shiny new car and his awesome 1 bedroom apartment. Then give him the chance. Let him work on him and you and you. You got this!