Guess I belong here now...

[sweetbabyred]

I think one of my problems is that I keep looking for some sort of big sign about what I'm supposed to do/think. While that would be nice, I may never get that.

Instead, I need to enjoy and appreciate any good experiences I have with xh.

Even if xh does ever decide he wants us to try again, I really don't think he's the type of person to come out and say it. I think it would be more of him trying it to see how it goes, but being afraid to say something and put pressure on it.

And we've only been divorced for two months, so there's no way that he'd be ready to think that he was wrong for going through with it.

He has to see what else is out there and hopefully learn how to be on his own.

We're not married, so I'm just as free to go out and see what's out there too. So there really is no need for me to be jealous of all the women who get to see xh.

And I have the advantage of him knowing that I wanted to spend time with him when he was broke, somewhat out of shape, and was driving a company minivan.

These women might be interested in his new workout body or his sports car or what they think he can do for them. He'll always wonder if they actually like him for who he really is.

If I do spend time with xh, I need to just take it for what it is and not hope for more. If it's meant to be, it'll happen, but not on my time table.

The past few days were difficult because xh was acting so much more like the guy I fell in love with years ago. He does seem to be sticking up for himself more and not texting when he's with me, two things I've asked for.

So maybe he is working on himself. Even if we don't get back together, I'd hate for him to keep going from one dysfunctional relationship to another. I'd rather we both learn what we need to so that we have better luck in our future r's.

And I need to keep all of this in mind the next time I start to get upset and wonder where all of this is going. This isn't my plan and I'm not in charge. I can only control myself and what I learn from this sitch.

Thank you so much to everyone who takes the time to read my posts and give me feedback. You have no idea how much it means to me.