One giant leap forward! - Part 4

[sandi2]

As if i left Tuesday morning from home, feeling great, looking good and brimming with confidence. As the time marched on and we discussed/argued/chatted/dealt with kids, I started to run out.
Like I only had so much and then the old me started to appear again.

I understand. That is what often happens with a LBS who has to return to the board b/c they fell back into old patterns. I believe the longer a couple has been in a M that had bad behavior from either or both sides, the easier it is to back slide. But that isn't to say it's hopeless. It takes longer and perhaps more consistent positive actions to mke it, but it can be done if both sides want it badly enough. You know, starting a new R is so much easier than repairing the old one that has battle fatigue. But that is another reason I say that the WAS needs to really work to get the LBS back again.

Once you two actually get some alone time without you kids, I think a little affection would be fine. IMHO, having some dates and showing affection should come before just hopping in bed and having sex. Being flirtatious, affectionate, and romantic should come before sex. And for "most" women, making love to her mind is the best foreplay in the world. In other words, you use her love language to speak to her, long before taking her to bed. In your case, maybe an extra long time. (ha- jk)

Since your W has shown bad behavior in recent times, I think you might judge how much, if any, affection would be given. To me, it seems logical not to make love if your S has treated you badly that week, day, or the evening you're out together. If she doesn't feel well or in a bad mood, I don't think it is the time to be lovie-dovie. I am thinking like a woman, not a man. It may be more difficult for some guys to define when is or isn't a good time. Just keep remembering the goal is not to have sex, but to R the M.

Now, I don't know if your W's LL is physical affection, but she clearly wants it. It doesn't have to be her primary LL in order to desire sex. However, you have said she had some sort of childhood issues, and if she relates "love" with having sex only, then she may take the "rejection" (as she called it) more personally. It may be more difficult for her to understand what your true purpose is, when you turn her down. I'm not suggesting you take off tonight to head for her house....but you may consider if you need to "remind" her that it's not that you don't find her physically attractive, but that you want to see more growth in the R, first. You may have to tell her these things long distance.

I really do believe it has helped in getting her more interested and maybe to put forth more effort than she has in the past.

Ah, timing.........the key to many things.