Moving from hardest decision. Needed a more positive vibe to continue this journey.
Summary: W seems finished with the angry phase. It's been a few weeks since any angry emails, texts, etc. Stopped trying to provoke responses from me and stopped telling me she's happy, etc.
Limbo: Stopped talking about separating finances, D and OM. I'm not pressing for any info on any of that.
Baby steps: Started asking more about me, volunteering to bring me stuff, and sharing info about her - just a tiny bit, but that was a noticeable change. Seemed to want to spend time here when she was here, instead of being anxious to go. General vibe that she's realized being on her own, or with OM is not living up to expectations.
Where we're at now: Says she needs me as a friend right now, and likes to do stuff with me, but also said "nothing has changed." A lot has actually changed, because just a few weeks ago, I was the cause of all problems. But I understand that she's being very cautious, and am just accepting the situation as it is. No rush.
She's coming over Friday and we're going to go to a movie, and then stopping at Petsmart to get a tower/scratching post for the cat. This was her idea. This will be the longest time we've been together since right after BD when we went to dinner together.
Time is showing itself to be a gift. It seems like I was just starting to get a handle on being alone here, and feeling better about it, when I started noticed her very subtle changes in the opposite direction. There were many times I could have blown it, but the LRT steps really saved me from myself. And, of course, I have to stay the course, because this is just a test run. I'm sure there will be new opportunities to screw up.
Let's keep me in line so that it doesn't come to that, shall we? :-)
Quiet as a mouse today. Probably took a lot to reach out like she did, so I'm not surprised. Friday is going to take a lot - I feel like I have a school project due or a speech to give. :-/
Heck, I haven't even left the neighborhood in a month, now I'm going to be driving for an hour round-trip with my W, and then seeing a movie together. I haven't spent more than 30 minutes with her since late June.
Hey MileHigh, I just wanted to thank you for posting this yesterday.
Originally Posted By: MileHigh
but also said "nothing has changed." A lot has actually changed, because just a few weeks ago, I was the cause of all problems.
I love that perspective and needed to read that. It's easy to get caught up in what's happening today, but looking back, I see I'm also at a place where things might not be exactly as I want them to be, but at least I'm not a source of pain or anxiety for my H these days.
I hope Fri goes well, it sounds like you are in a good place going into it.
BD: Aug 2012 Separated since May 2013 S born Aug 2013 Aug 2013 H agrees to consider 'baby steps toward working things out' H is/was actively seeing someone?
Thanks slow_it_down. Friday is going to be a test, for sure. Hopefully it's one of many positive steps. Glad someone found it encouraging.
It was quite a stunning reversal (in a good way) since last Thursday.
It's hard, facing the quiet again today, but like I said, I'm sure it took a lot to reach out as much as she did when she sent the messages about needing me as a friend and wanting to go to a movie. That was always one of our favorite activities to do together.
I had to create a new user profile, as wife was reading my posts.
Anyways, this will be on moderation, so not sure when it will show up, but wanted to say.
Do your best to not read to much into this, I know it feels really positive, but have no expectations. With this roller coaster ride, you could easily be let down again next week, thus possibly falling prey to the disappointment.
Made it to the grocery store, got a haircut, and had a nice meal out. I passed on delicious onion rings and got a salad! I think I was having veggie withdrawals. I got some produce, too. Somehow managed to stuff $150 worth of groceries into one of the small carts at the store - I was trying to keep it down to a reasonable amount, since I was hauling it in a cab. Oh, well. Feels good to have some good food in the house. And the cabbie earned his tip by helping load/unload. Also discovered with rural cab service, it cost as much to get to the store as to go twice as far to town (it's not metered, like in the cities). I guess they have to come from town, so they're going to recoup that gas cost.
Anyway, I did my meditation and exercise, and.... Here's the amazing part - since I did the shopping run, I didn't fall asleep on the couch and wake up at midnight. I got 8 hrs, and although I woke up at 4:30 AM, at least I didn't *stay* up until the sun came up for a change!
Got the lawn mowed, and slapped some primer on the garage door, so it's at least the same color - it was kind of patchwork. Looks fine from the road - not sure when I'll get to painting it. I thought I had a half gallon of primer, but it and all my rollers and brushes seem to be at new house. I found a disposable foam brush and a partially salvagable quart can of primer left here by previous hoarders - er, owners. It was really separated so I had to stir and stir.... I'm nothing if not resourceful - and I hate waste, so it felt good to use that up.
Speaking of waste - I went through the bathroom cabinets and gathered up all the partially full bottles and hotel shampoo and conditioners. You ladies will cringe, but I just combine them. I even squeeze in the color safe conditioner tubes that come with the hair colorin kits. I have enough to last me for a year. I think my W gets bored with them after 1/2 the bottle is gone. I actually looked up uses for extra shampoo and conditioner - there are web sites on frugality that have dozens of uses. In a pinch, you can use it in the tub for all-over skin softener. ;-)
Tomorrow is movie night. While W is at dinner with her friend, I'm going to see if I can find a couple new shirts, and maybe some shoes before I need to break out the black duct tape or Shoe Goo to fix the ones I'm wearing. All this walking's about burst the seams!
