I know everyone says treat it the same as MLC, and you know its basically true. The difference I see it that with the MLC, the issues in the marriage may or may not be the problem. You have to wait it out, and that can take years.
The WAS thing is a little different in the aspect that it IS the issues in the marriage that caused the problems. You can make all the changes you want in MLC sitch, listen, validate, work on yourself and wait, and wait and wait.
I think for the most part DB'n is what saves ourselves, but the listening validating has a much more important impact that the WAS has been waiting for, is it too late to make the changes. No, cause you need to make them either way. But its important that the spouse see's that you can change to be a better person/spouse, and they have a voice again in a possible R.
Db'n is about not pushing our spouses further away, and taking care of the changes we need to make in ourselves. One is about separating our emotions from a sitch we have no control over, and the other is about separating our emotions to change our perception with our WAS that we're capable again of becoming the spouses they married.
I know i'm gonna get crucified from the vets for this post. But I truly see a difference in initial approach. The bigger picture of course is that because we don't know what will happen the DB approach is to save ourselves. One can only be fixed thru our changes and the other is fixed thru time and our willingness to wait out whats broken about them more than us.
Let the flames begin, im sure i'll regret this post. But I do see a difference, a big difference.
