Had to start new user profile as I found out wife was using/reading my posts.
Anyways, I know its hard to stay positive when the roller coaster seems like its on the down part of the ride. Its important that you don't project what you think she "might" be feeling. Sometimes its that space and distance that helps the both of you.
This is your chance to work on your issues, work on your being mysterious if that's how you need to look at it. I know the DB work doesn't seem like its working, but that's cause your having expectations towards your wife, not expectations of what YOU are getting out of it.
Take some of the issues you were having in your marriage and try to implement them into your everyday life. If you were grouchy, negative, passive, whatever, etc. Then next time your at the store, give someone walking by a big smile and ask them how they're doing?, compliment someone on their outfit? someone that looks frustrated or sad, give them a "you look like you got a lot on your mind" comment.
Last week I was at the check stand paying for groceries, the woman in front of me was on the phone arguing with her boyfriend, she'd just got off work, had to pick up dinner, was frustrated her boyfriend hadn't done anything in the house apparently, and I heard her make a comment "I cant keep doing everything, I need some help", wow did that strike home. I could see the frustration in her face. Anyways it was a bag your own groceries type store and she'd bought this giant bag of cat litter, 42 pounds, since I was waiting I grabbed the bag and put it under her cart and told her "With the look on your face it looked like you could use just a little bit of help". She smiled from ear to ear with a giant THANK YOU she almost started crying. As she was walking away and I started bagging my own groceries, she looked back to wave, and I gave her "Think positive or the rest of your day has no chance", she paused walking and said "your right!"
The moral of the story is your interactions don't have to be with your wife, a friend, or even a family member. Take the opportunities as they come to open yourself up, and maybe even make the day of a total stranger. It can be amazing how much better you feel about yourself too.
I almost hit submit, but I have a story from last night too actually. I was taking my evening walk, and down the sidewalk coming towards me was a woman running, really putting some effort in. This woman was a little over weight and im sure that's why she was out there..........I had about 20 seconds to think about saying something when out popped "Wow your working hard at it", she responded with a "thank you, glad someone is noticing". Probably made her feel good, at least I hope it did. But she obviously had a lot on her mind, and she got to vent for 1 second of her life. So make those connections, even if they aren't permanent.
