It's great to see how your W is responding to you! The MC sounds really good. I can see that she is opening up to you and breaking down that wall!
My sister also has MS. She tells me that she always needs something to look forward to, ie vacation, decorating her house, etc.. That is what helps her get through the rough times.
It's great to see how your W is responding to you! The MC sounds really good. I can see that she is opening up to you and breaking down that wall!
My sister also has MS. She tells me that she always needs something to look forward to, ie vacation, decorating her house, etc.. That is what helps her get through the rough times.
Nik
Nik,
Thanks so much for the reply. I think your sis has a good suggestion, the thing is my W tends to think very short term (She doesn't hardly even plan a day ahead). Maybe sometime we can change that as I tend to be a planner.
Last night was another one of those difficult nights. My W called in the afternoon and said she was going out with people from her training (was her last day). W said she'd be home at nine. I was fine with this and just relaxed at home and talked with my folks.
Well 9 came and went and I went to bed and read a while. I left a txt message saying "Goodnight baby, hope your safe and will be home soon. Luv R". I didn't get to sleep right away, but one of the cats was with me which helped.
She finally got in around 3 am. She was grouchy and upset. She said she met up with a few friend and had to deal with their crazy lives. W didn't want to talk much about it. She was also being very hard on herself for staying out so late and said she wanted to be home much much sooner. She did say she didn't drink (she did smell of a bar and alcohol, but she claims it was just the smell on her and not that she was drinking).
I told her if she wanted to talk I'd listen, and that I wished she wouldn't hurt herself so much. She told me a bit of what went on and was mainly pissed at her GF for using her cell phone to call around for rides and talk with a guy F. My W couldn't find her phone and was mad (she lost one already this year). She also was upset that she had to drive her around and she was really worn out due to her MS. I mainly just listened.
She fell asleep, but I was wide awake at this point. I got up and read the bible for about an hour and finally went back to bed. I was up for maybe 2-2.5 hours in the middle of the night. This really throws me for a loop and makes my days really difficult. She says she understands and was sorry, but then again she doesn't work today and it kinda upsets me.
More of the same this morning as she was beating herself up and pissed about last night. She did snuggle with me this morning as I slept in a bit and missed going to the gym.
Just another one of those nights, they have been less frequent since she was training the last 3 weeks. I just worry about this continuing. I just wish she would bring me out with her so I could help her with these sitchs she gets herself into with her "new" friends.
God Bless You,
Reuben
Cautiously hopeful and keeping the Momentum
Hey R, I feel for you man. It is such a tough ride always giving so much and not recieving much in return, but it sounds like she is sincere about everything she is telling you. It amazing why they continue to hang out with their new friends when it just causes new drama! I am trying to figure out the same thing! Anyways, be strong and know that God is happy that you are being so supportive of your wife. You will be rewarded so remember patience is key!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
sounds like your validating, accepting and not reacting is really getting her to open up more to you. Definitely just be accepting and complimenting if you can when she is down on herself. That keeps making it safe for her to stay with you, knowing you'll always be her best friend to come home to, no matter what.
Master the self-fulfilling prophecy.. Act 'as if' it's going to happen and make it be!!
I am doing great...and my W and I's R and M are doing good too!
Things are going really well. We have a set back every so often, but it isn't much. We have gone out together a lot, and sometimes with her new friends.
We have grown closer over the last several weeks, but even much more so this weekend and this week. I'll breifly list the things that have gone on...
- As I maybe mentioned in a post or two above, my W was upset about her last week of training (this was last Mon), and I peped her up to making the last week by pampering her all weekend. I called it "pamper princess A weekend". She really enjoy being taken care of and all the attention I gave her.
- Friday we went out to eat togther and went and saw the "Passion of the Christ". It was a powerfull movie and we talked about it the whole ride home. One the way there I was crazymaking a bit as I was grouchy from the late night before (she came home at 3am and had me worrying). She was understanding but didn't like it to go on, so we agreed to let it go and went on to have the great night.
-Sat we hung out most of the day being lazy and talked with a GF that stopped by to visit. We then went out for Pizza to my W's favorite bar. Some of her new friends dropped by and we talked for a while. We then went on a limo ride and they took us to another bar. Bad part here was my W couldn't walk the distance from the limo to the bar. Everyone went on ahead without noticing we didn't come in. We hanged out together and made the best of it. Has some risky fun and talked til they came back about an hour later. The limo took us back to the bar. W and I went in and the rest returned a while later. They never said goodbye or hi to us. My W then got upset because of them not talking with her and they were just drinking and having fun just 10 feet away. I was pissed about it, but didn't say anything. After a bit my W and I decided to leave and only one of them (who we just met that night) said goodbye. We were ticked, and my W was feeling bad because she is having an MS flare up and felt more "diabled" than ever. Her friends caused most of this feeling. She said she is starting to see the real friends she has. We went home had a glass of wine together. We even went to bed and ML.
-Sunday we went to church together to the church I have joined. She loved it and the priest. The homile and service really moved her and brought us closer together on a spiritual level. I introduced her to the priest after the service, and even expressed to him she left a lot of baggage at Gods feet that day. We then went and had a nice brunch. We rented some movies and had a nice dinner together.
- Monday I was sick so not much to say that day, but we did have MC that night which went well. I had to leave for an overnight stay after we had dinner. We were both sad I was leaving. My W said to be sure to call when I got in. Well when I arrived at the hotel I couldn't reach her several times. I went to bed a bit worried. She called me at midnight and appologized. She said she went out with some friends and forgot her cell phone. She said she didn't want to stay out that late, and was regetting it because it made her MS symptoms worse.
-Tues I got home about dinner, and made my W a nice meal. She started and IV steriod treatment for 5 days on Tues. I took care of her all night. I also have taken off work the rest of the week to tend to her.
-Wed. we got up to take her in for her treatment. She let me help her with a lot of things, including bathing her in the shower, and blowdrying and fixing her hair and helped get her dressed. She had a Port for the IV that is kept in making it hard for her to do things. When we got there I sat with the hole time and held her hand, ran my fingers through her hair, rubbed her legs, and comforted her. She napped through about an hour of it (takes about 3 hours).
There have been many many other little and big postive signs that have been going on. - She has said to me that she "loves me more than life itself", and she "never wants to loose me" - She prayed a rosary last night with me, I asked her to say a prayer on each decade while I said the rest. Begining each of her prayers was "God continue help my H and I with our R and M" - She said to me and I over heard her say to a friend and SMIL "Our M is happier now than it ever has been" - My W is much more affectionate with me , even rubbed my head in the car today while siging a love somg right to me!
I guess overall this is AMAZING. I can see in my W's eyes that she is truely committed to making this M work. She is putting a lot of effort in. She still has many things she is working through, but with the MS she will be facing these things always. She is really loving to me and I am feeling more and more loved each day. She does slip up a time or too, but everyone does. She knows when something she has done bothers me or worries me and appologizes and even feels bad afterward at herself. Many times now she is being pulled into sitches with her friends because she is trying to help. I think though this will decrease some over time.
Last thing she said today that really struck me was "I need to not be out so late and not call you. Its not good for both of us and is hurting our R. I shouldn't be doing that since we are starting a new and great M together".
I love my W more than ever. I hope that my sitch can give some of you hope because this good fight we are on can be won!
God Bless You,
Reuben
Cautiously hopeful and keeping the Momentum
Reuben, I am so happy for you. God bless you. I know you are a busy man , but it would mean a lot to me if you stopped over to my thread. A lot has happened with me as well this weened but just the opposite of you. I pray for your continued success. You give me such hope!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
