Living in the Now(or how Ruby got her groove back)

[RosaLinda]

Ruby "I think I am on the way to losing H for a while, maybe for always. This is a tough path and I can't imagine walking it with people who knew you as you were. It has to be easier to be the new you with someone new...yes?

Oh, this is hard to practice the letting go and the unconditional acceptance of this.

I used to connect way more with H, but am sensing him drawing further away. The staying here is not about drawing him back either, I feel he has to let me go to actually miss me..make sense?"

I don't think that by lovingly  letting H go find himself on his MLC  journey of self discovery, you will lose him forever Ruby. He obviously still loves you. He admits he loves and needs you more than anyone else's H here, except rH's. 

I agree that walking that path of discovery is probably a LOT easier with someone new than with someone who knows you inside and out. But because the MLCer can pretend to be anyone, can try on different attitudes and personalities with someone new. 

But I don't think that he has to let you go completely to miss you Ruby. I think they need to hang on to us, to keep us in their lives, while they are trying on these new personas with these OW. And when it is all over, part of the newness will be there, but they will return to us. If we let them. 

Ruby "When he was with MG, I would do anything to connect, including staying here, having coffee, etc etc. Now, I find that desperation gone and I don't know why, so yeah, something has changed inside."

"I said I know, because then I wouldn't have the feelings I do, if I were driving the train. I purposely left unsaid the feelings are hurt and loss and sadness. But I have chosen this path and by letting those feelings come, but not letting them weigh, I am happier and more peaceful"

It's uRw's cherishing him enough to lovingly let him go. It's US that changes, not them. I'm glad you feel some peace Ruby. I'm trying! Not quite there yet!

Ruby "H has said he always feels at peace when he is with me. This is something I have to be careful to continue, I think. Especially now. Perhaps he will seek it out, if we are apart for a bit. My hope is he can find it in himself."

You can do this by giving him space and validating him I think. You are already apart most of the time Ruby. I think that a boundary has to be for YOU. It's so much easier for you to stay at his apartment and not really possible at all right now. The boundary you gave yourself to not stay there anymore has to be for YOUR emotional protection and well being, so if it would be more stressful to stay elsewhere, give yourself permission to stay in the apartment. In my opinion anyway.