Thanks for the reply. I am personally not going to approach this yet, and probably won't until my W comes to me seeking help. I think in some ways she might be starting to realize how its affecting her life. I don't for certain I would say she is an alcoholic, but she has been drinking quite often.
It was interesting yesterday during MC. We first talked about how things were going and W and I agreed they have been going good. MC asked about our communication, and we both said we thought it was going better. My W brought up the discussion with her GF on Friday (the one asking for my advice on her sitch). My W said she loved it, and felt her GF and I were having most of the conversation and she just listened in. Then W explained about her guy F that stopped by and how we met. She told MC he thinks highly of me and wants to talk with me. I said again I thought he was seeking my advice in his life as well. My W agreed, and said that he told her how good of a guy he thinks I am and that every woman wants "a Reuben". MC agreed.
MC asked her what it is about me that makes me desirable. She listed off about 15-20 things and hugged me and kissed me right in session. It felt wonderful, and I thanked her. MC was impressed, and also said that we are getting to where others are seeking us out to be taught about Rs, especially me. MC said that is really good.
W then got on the subject about how she can do stupid things sometimes. (I can't remember how it came up). She went into detail about how I had to come and pick her up because she was drunk. She kinda denied how bad she was, and I pointed out that she could barely walk, and she didn't remember this. MC said that most people don't perceive how they are when drink.
MC then went on in detail about alcoholism, drinking, and the effect on people and their lives for the rest of the session. It must have been 30 minutes of this alone. Most of the discussion was between MC and my W. I kinda nodded and listened in, only interjecting an experience or two from my life with drinking.
I learned a lot, and my W did also. He did tell us that to see if you are an alcoholic to try going out and stopping after 2 drinks, if you can't you have a problem. He left it at that, but I asked for clarification if this was just a night or more than that. He said every night you go out. He explained there are times (say for example a wedding party) where its OK to chose going in to get drunk, but you shouldn't get drunk after going in to have just 2. He said to plan that so that you can be responsible.
The other interesting thing things MC said was first that alcohol is a primary drug and the liver will stop all other drugs from going through the system. With my W he said all drug for MS will stop until alcohol has gone through or will be rushed through. Also he mentioned that the #1 killer for alcoholics is lung cancer. He said since alcohol is a primary drug it even stops the body from dealing with the tar and nicotine, until the alcohol has gone through the system. Until then the tar and nicotine just sit in the lungs and eat aways at them. My W responded "great give my H another reason not to want me, and just want a D." I reassured her, and asked if I have said anything about her smoking or drinking, and she said now and that it helps that I don't nag her.
Later in the evening I asked what she thought about MC, and she said it went well and we agreed we learned a lot. I asked her if she thought her going out having drinks what affecting us in any way. She said she just thought it only did on Sunday when I had to get her. I told her I felt differently and reminded her about forgetting plans we made, or forgetting to call me. She looked at me understandingly and kinda nodded her head in agreement. (I mentioned this because MC brought up the fact some people look at alcoholism and its symptoms as either medical or problems caused in their lives, I feel she mainly has the later).
I feel it went real well, but I agreed with my W it went on for sometime. We talked a little more about it, and she told me she wants me to come with her more when she goes out. We also agreed it either of us wants to drink more than 2 that we will agree before hand and designate one to drive and try to always go together if we want to have more and get drunk.
Not sure its the right approach, but I think I am going to go with it for now, and see how her drinking develops. I hope that by having me along more I will be able to truly gage how much its affecting her. It is also great that she is talking with me about it, feels comfortable enough with me to want me with her, and she is opening up a lot more about her feelings and struggles.
She said another rosary with me last night, and I helped her through some grieving about her mother. She also opened up about her struggling with her MS and help to listen, and also cheer her up after she got her tears out about her mother and MS. She really hasn't opened up to me about her MS much, so this is a good step forward.
I feel good about where we are at, and I think time will heal my w, esp. with her IC. I hope that then the drinks won't be needed as much and she can start being happier with life and with me.
God is with me and I see him working in my life, I will pray that he does the same for everyone else here. Thanks.
God Bless You,
Reuben
Cautiously hopeful and keeping the Momentum
