NEW LIFE / NEW ME

[Fartiltre]

LTH,

Thanks for replying!

I am glad that you do not think I did anything wrong – you and Sandi had me worrying there! I am trying to do the best I can so hard these days – in regards of me and in regards of my communication with W.
I feel so busy with all of it these days and do believe I am doing OK.

You spent a long time doing 180's, your W sees what you are capable of and knows what you want. Keep up your 180's for you. It may not be too late to R, however, this most likely will not occur until she senses she may LOSE the new, improved F.

The more I look at my own sit the more hopeless I feel. She seems gone!
I will keep up my 180s for me because I feel good about them and they make me feel good about me. I feel, look, talk, walk and act better than I have done for years and that makes me feel good. I haven’t been able to work my 180s as hard as I would like for the last month or more because of two things. Mainly my medical issues have resulted in a lot of pain and therefore my physical capabilities are less than they used to be. Secondly I have followed advice from Sandi2 about not fixing everything. I do also feel good about my GAL these days.
In fact I simply just feel good except for W, Ds and family being gone!

It really seems like time to give her the space to figure it out, let her see you moving on.

What should I do to show her this?

You are focusing on you and GALing, however, you don't seem detached at all. You are in constant contact and still doing many things together.

I believe I am giving her the time and space I can without being unpleasant or rude! I do not initiate contact that much – W does! I don’t believe there’s anything to this but kindness and caring for the children and a little of me! Yesterday we went to D6s first day at school together. She invited me to eat breakfast at her house and I said yes. This is the first of several invitations I have accepted. She is still hugging, touching and being nice.

W called me this morning about me picking up the girls. It should have been a 30 sec. convo but it lasted 10 min. I try to end our convos everytime but she keep on talking about the Ds, that she got new internet, the concert we attend on Saturday, that the girls are looking forward to seeing me, she asks about S10 and so on. I answer her questions and try to be scarse on the words but still pleasant and kind. She told me that it was so nice that I was there eating breakfast yesterday.
I try not to read anything in to all of this but it still keeps my head spinning. She doesn’t want to live with me but she wants me in her life (Plan B, friend or what – I don’t know!). I still don’t get her actings….but I do believe she feels good about herself and her life! She has told her cousin that’s she plans on living without a man for a long time.
As read you, Sandi and everybody else I have to get out of her life. That’s hard when she act like this unless I just tell her straight to her face to back off. I fear doing this right now but possibly that’s just what I need to do and then I will do it.

Sandi2 once told me that I should trust my feelings about W. I feel W is gone but I also feel on a day like yesterday that she is confused about it all. I do not feel any doubt in her but I feel confusion about how to act around me. I am not detached – I love her! I try to act detached around her and I believe I am doing fairly well but it is difficult. I follow 37 rules to the best of my abilities but also try to mind advice from coach.

The suggestion about the 3-1 rule was mine initially but coach immediately told me that she agreed to this. I believe coach’s reasoning is that W is being nice and pleasant and I should be the same. I have withdrawn more than 3-1 for now. In fact I have only contacted W when she has asked me a direct question. Coach has all the way believed that W will come around and that’s why she has been telling me to touch, talk and be nice. Coach is still on this path but my concern about this is that coach does only have my POW and this could be interpreted wrong.

What is your opinion? Please do not mind coach’s advice – please give me yours?

Do not address it. You gave her your apology letter, that is all you can do for now. See what happens as her new life sets in and she is a single mom trying to handle work, school, homework and bills.

Agreed, I won’t!

You earn respect as Sandi2 said be nice but stand up for yourself. Also, have an opinion. Sometimes people think they are being nice/kind by saying 'okay, whatever you want' but it is a huge turnoff.

I believe I have stood up for me and my opinions!

Think about it this way...what will be more important in the big picture? D6's scouting memories and the values she will learn or D4's schedule? It will all work and it won't be that bad

Thanks! ALSO TO HWA!
I will give your advice some serious thoughts!


Any comment on the “Nurture the spark” from 25mlc?

You need some vets to answer these questions..I am sure they can add a lot more!

I really hope VETS will come by!

LTH, Thanks for taking time with all what is going on in your own sit. I was so happy reading about the latest development and I will keep you in my prayers.

F